Favourite Quotations

Too Long for quotedaddy.com
  • In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way.  Then you wake up in an old people’s home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, and then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, and you play. You have no responsibilities; you become a baby until you are born.  And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm! I rest my case. - ‘Next Life’ by Woody Allen
  • Six blind men were asked to determine what an elephant looked like by feeling different parts of the elephant's body. The blind man who feels a leg says the elephant is like a pillar; the one who feels the tail says the elephant is like a rope; the one who feels the trunk says the elephant is like a tree branch; the one who feels the ear says the elephant is like a hand fan; the one who feels the belly says the elephant is like a wall; and the one who feels the tusk says the elephant is like a solid pipe. "O how they cling and wrangle, some who claim.  For preacher and monk the honored name!  For, quarreling, each to his view they cling. Such folk see only one side of a thing. Jain and Buddhist Parable. Wikipedia
Submitted to quotedaddy.com
    • "The Golden Rule" would advise unconditional cooperation, since what you would really prefer the other players to do is to let you get away with some defections. Robert Axelrod, The Evolution of Cooperation, 1984
    • What accounts for TIT fo TAT's roobust success is it's combination of being nice, retaliatory, forgiving and clear.  It's niceness prevents it from getting into unnecessary trouble.  It's retaliation discourages the other side from persisting whenever defection is tried. It's forgiveness helps retore mutual cooperation. And it's clarity makes it intelligible to th eother player, therby eliciting long-term cooperation." Robert Axelrod, The Evolution of Cooperation, 1984
    • Life must be lived as play. Plato
    • The beginning is the most important part of the work. Plato
    • Only the dead have seen the end of the war. Plato
    • As democracy is perfected, the office of the president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people.  On some great and glorious day, the plain folks of the land will reach their hearts desire at last and the White House will be adorned by and absolute moron.  HL Mencken, 1920
    • With a certain talent for rhetoric, as well as an absolute certainty about the merits of amy own views, I found that I could generally win these arguments in the narrow sense of leaving my grandfather flustered angry and sounding unreasonable. Barak Obama, The Audacity of Hope
    • No one would have remembered the Good Samaritan if he'd only had good intentions.  he had money as well.  Margaret Thatcher, UK Prime Minister, 1980
    • Vikings?  There ain’t no vikings here.  Just us honest farmers. The town was burning, the villagers were dead. They didn’t need those sheep anyway. That’s our story and we’re sticking to it. MontyPython
    • Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. Mark Twain, Notebooks (1935) US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)
    • The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance. Aristotle
    • Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither. C. S. Lewis
    • Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally. David Frost
    • The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. Michelangelo
    • Aim above morality. Be not simply good, be good for something. Henry David Thoreau
    • A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves. Lao Tzu
    • We aim above the mark to hit the mark. Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware. Henry Miller
    • The grand aim of all science is to cover the greatest number of empirical facts by logical deduction from the smallest number of hypotheses or axioms. Albert Einstein
    • The aim of the wise is not to secure pleasure, but to avoid pain. Aristotle
    • Our plans miscarry because they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind. Lucius Annaeus Seneca
    • The formation of one's character ought to be everyone's chief aim. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
    • Knowledge becomes evil if the aim be not virtuous. Plato
    • If the highest aim of a captain were to preserve his ship, he would keep it in port forever. Saint Thomas Aquinas
    • The theoretical understanding of the world, which is the aim of philosophy, is not a matter of great practical importance to animals, or to savages, or even to most civilised men. Bertrand Russell
    • Adultery is the application of democracy to love.  H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)  U.S. journalist, critic, and editor in The Vintage Mencken, Sententiæ
    • Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) U.S. journalist, critic, and editor in A Little Book in C Major
    • A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. Attributed to H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) U.S. journalist, critic, and editor.
    • Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard. H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) U.S. journalist, critic, and editor in A Little Book in C Major
    • Democracy is...a form of religion; it is the worship of jackals by jackasses. H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) U.S. journalist, critic, and editor in The Vintage Mencken, Sententiæ
    • If he became convinced tomorrow that coming out for cannibalism would get him the votes he so sorely needs, he would begin fattening a missionary on the White House backyard come Wednesday. H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) U.S. journalist, critic, and editor referring to Franklin D. Roosevelt.
    • The worst government is the most moral. One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and human. But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression. H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) U.S. journalist, critic, and editor in Notebooks, "Minority Report"
    • No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people. Attributed to H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) U.S. journalist, critic, and editor.
    • A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. Attributed to H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) U.S. journalist, critic, and editor.
    • It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) U.S. journalist, critic, and editor in Prejudices
    • The aim of medicine is surely not to make men virtuous; it is to safeguard and rescue them from the consequences of their vices. H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) U.S. journalist, critic, and editor in Prejudices, "The Physician"
    • Metaphysics is almost always an attempt to prove the incredible by an appeal to the unintelligible. H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) U.S. journalist, critic, and editor in Notebooks, "Minority Report"
    • Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian. H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) U.S. journalist, critic, and editor, 1950?.
    • The chief contribution of Protestantism to human thought is its massive proof that God is a bore. H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) U.S. journalist, critic, and editor in Notebooks, "Minority Report"
    • God is the immemorial refuge of the incompetent, the helpless, the miserable. They find not only sanctuary in His arms, but also a kind of superiority, soothing to their macerated egos; He will set them above their betters. H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) U.S. journalist, critic, and editor in Notebooks, "Minority Report"
    • For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat and wrong. H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) U.S. journalist, critic, and editor.
    • The effort to reconcile science and religion is almost always made, not by theologians, but by scientists…the theologians...are smart enough to see that the two things are implacably and eternally antagonistic. H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) U.S. journalist, critic, and editor in Notebooks, "Minority Report"
    • What men value in this world is not rights but privileges. H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) U.S. journalist, critic, and editor in Notebooks, "Minority Report
    • We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) U.S. journalist, critic, and editor in Notebooks, "Minority Report"
    • War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands. H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) U.S. journalist, critic, and editor in Notebooks, "Minority Report"
    • The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) U.S. journalist, critic, and editor in Prejudices, "Third Series"
    • The next sentence is false.  The previous sentence is true.
    • Enjoy the journey because the destination is death. Stephen Digby
    • Adolescence is the time for experimentation with extremes.  Most experiments only bring grief temporarily - mainly to parents.  Stephen Digby
    • Q: "Is nothing sacred"  Ans:  "Yes.  it is."  Stephen Digby
    • Arguing with your Boss is like wrestling with a pig in mud.  After a while you realize that while you are getting dirty the pig is actually enjoying it.
    • I can only be young once.  But I can be immature all my life !
    • ....men can only be highly civilized while other men, inevitably less civilized, are there to guard and feed them. George Orwell, Essay on Kipling
    • Familiarity breeds contempt, while rarity wins admiration.  Apuleius, Roman philosopher, rhetorician, & satirist (124 AD - 170 AD)
    • I'm a great believer in the environment.  I wouldn't live anywhere else.
    • Reality has a well-know liberal bias. Stephen Colbert
    • Start every day with a smile.... and get it over with. WC Fields
    • What's past is prologue. Shakespeare
    • Weeks of coding saves hours of planning.
    • Explanations are relative in the sense that their validity always depends...on how the thing to be explained is decribed.  Jonathon Ree in Descrates
    • Every event can be described in different ways that can endlessly shift the cause: A person dies because their heart stopped beating, because it had insuficient blood supply, because blood was hemmorraging into the abdomen, because blood evessels burst in the abdomen, because pressure in the abdomen increased massively, because a wheel of a bus compressed the abdomen, because the bus driver failed to stop, because.....
    • For the want of a nail, the shoe was lost, for  the want of a shoe the horse was lost, for the want of a horse the soldier was lost, for the want of a soldier, the victory was lost, for the want of the victory the war was lost, for the loss of the war the crown was lost.. all for the loss of a nail.
    • All science would be superfluous if the outward appearance and the essence of things directly conincided. Karl Marx Capitol, Vol III, Ch.48
    • The beginning of an acquaintance, whether with persons or things, is to get a definite outline for our ignorance.  George Elliot in Daniel Deronda, Ch.11
    • When I consider the short duration of my life, swallowed up in the eternity of before and after, the little space which i fill, or indeed am able to see, englulfed in the infinite immensity of spaces which I am ignorant, and which know me not, I am afraid... The eternal silence of these infinite spaces frightens me.  Pascal in Pensee's, 205
    • It would be very singular that all nature and all the stars should obey eternal laws and that there should be one little animal... which despite these laws, could always act as suited its caprice.  Voltaire in Le Philosope Ignorant, 1766, Section 13
    • Thought constitutes the greatness of man... In space, the universe encompasses me and swallows me up like an atom; by thought, I comprehend the world.  Pascal in Pensees, 346
    • It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well. Rene Descartes (1596-1650) Discourse on Method
    • Good sense is the best distributed thing in the world: for everyone thinks himself so well endowed with it that even those who are the hardest to please in everything else do not usually desire more of it than they possess. René Descartes (1596-1650) Discourse on Method
    • The reading of all good books is like a conversation with the finest men of past centuries. René Descartes (1596-1650) Discourse on Method
    • The greatest minds are capable of the greatest vices as well as of the greatest virtues. René Descartes (1596-1650)
    •  Discourse on Method
    • After playing Chopin, I feel as if I had been weeping over sins that I had never committed. Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
    • The Critic as Artist
    • Composing is like making love to the future. Attributed to Lukas Foss (1922)
    • From Mozart I learned to say important things in a conversational way. George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Conversation with Busoni
    • Hurry! I never hurry. I have no time to hurry. Attributed to Igor Stravinsky (1882-1971) Responding to his publisher's request that he hurry his completion of a composition.
    • A good critic is one who narrates the adventures of his mind among masterpieces. Anatole France (1844-1924) The Literary Life
    • Definition of a literary classic: Something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. Mark Twain  (1835-1910) New York Journal
    • The classics are only primitive literature. They belong in the same class as primitive machinery and primitive music and primitive medicine. Stephen Leacock (1869-1944) Behind the Beyond, "Homer and Humbug"
    • ...a jostling scrum of office buildings so mediocre that the only way you ever remember them is by the frustration they induce—like a basketball team standing shoulder to shoulder between you and the Mona Lisa. Charles Prince of Wales (1948) Speech, London
    • A house is a machine for living in. Le Corbusier (1887-1965) Towards a New Architecture
    • Alas for our towns and cities. Monstrous carbuncles of concrete have erupted in gentle Georgian squares. Raine Spencer (1929) The Spencers on Spas
    • Architecture begins where engineering ends. Walter Gropius (1883-1969) Architects on Architecture, Speech, Harvard Department of Architecture (Paul Heyer (ed.))
      • Not yet submitted to quotedaddy.com
    • Architecture has its political use; public buildings being the ornament of a country; it establishes a nation, draws people and commerce; makes the people love their native country. Christopher Wren (1632-1723) Parentalia
    • Architecture is not political. It is an instrument of politics, for better or worse. Leon Krier (1946) Albert Speer, 1932-1942
    • Architecture is the art of how to waste space. Philip Johnson (1906-2005) The New York Times
    • Architecture is the most inescapable of the higher arts. Anthony Quinton (1925) Times (London)
    • Arson, after all, is an artificial crime...A large number of houses deserve to be burnt. H. G. Wells (1866-1946) The History of Mr. Polly
    • French Classical architecture...was the work not of craftsmen but of wonderfully gifted civil servants. Kenneth Clark (1903-1983) Civilisation
    • In the back of his mind he has the crazy hope that one of his purchases will be life everlasting ! Which it can never be.  Big Daddy in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof by Tennessee Williams.
    • Brevity is a great charm of eloquence.  Marcus Tullius Cicero
    • Brevity is the soul of wit.  Latin Proverb
    • Brevity and conciseness are the parents of correction.  Hosea Ballou
    • What is an epigram? A dwarfish whole, its body brevity, and wit its soul.  Samuel Taylor Coleridge
    • For brevity is very good, Where we are, or are not understood.  Samuel Butler
    • Brevity is the best recommendation of speech, whether in a senator or an orator.  Marcus Tullius Cicero
    • Those who make the worst use of their time are the first to complain of its brevity.  Jean De La Bruyere
    • Brevity is the soul of lingerie.  Dorothy Parker
    • Brevity is the soul of wit, and tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes. [Hamlet]. William Shakespeare
    • Now, I don't want you to worry, class. These tests will have no effect on your grades. They merely determine your future social status and financial success. If any.   Mrs. Crabapple (teacher) in The Simpsons
    • Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows.. David T. Wolf
    • I shall never be ashamed of citing a bad author if the line is good.. Seneca
    • Music journalism: People who can't write, interviewing people who can't speak for people who can't read. Frank Zappa
    • I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.  Mitch Hedberg
    • Humor is the shortest distance between two people. Henry Youngman
    • When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.  Mark Twain
    • In science, 'fact' can only mean 'confirmed to such a degree that it would be perverse to withhold provisional assent.' I suppose that apples might start to rise tomorrow, but the possibility does not merit equal time in physics classrooms.  Stephen Jay Gould
    • Constant repetition carries conviction. Robert Collier, 1885-1950
    • Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller
    • Fortune can, for her pleasure, fools advance, and toss them on the wheels of chance. Juvenal
    • Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them. Suzanne Necker
    • The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any. Katharine Whitehorn
    • You must either believe or not believe that God is. Which will you do? Your human reason cannot say. A game is going on between you and the nature of things which at the day of judgment will bring out either heads or tails. Weigh what your gains and your losses would be if you should stake all you have on heads, or God's existence: if you win in such case, you gain eternal beatitude; if you lose, you lose nothing at all. If there were an infinity of chances, and only one for God in this wager, still you ought to stake your all on God; for though you surely risk a finite loss by this procedure, any finite loss is reasonable, even a certain one is reasonable, if there is but the possibility of infinite gain. Go, then, and take holy water, and have masses said; belief will come and stupefy your scruples,- Cela vous fera croire et vous abetira. Why should you not? At bottom, what have you to lose?. William James paraphrasing Blaise Pascal.
    • The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed -- for lack of a better word -- is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms. greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge -- has marked the upward surge of mankind. Gekko in the Film Wall Street.
    • Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. William Shakespeare
    • There is no substitute for hard work. Thomas Edison
    • Enjoy your job, make lots of money, work within the law. Choose any two.
    • The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph! Marvin Phillips
    • Moderation in all things. Terence, Andria Roman comic dramatist (185 BC-159 BC)
    • A wise man realises there is never a final victory. A wise and courageous man continues to fight.  Stephen Digby
    • We can have facts without thinking but we cannot have thinking without facts.  John Dewey
    • Of the few innocent pleasures left.... the jamming of commonsense down the throats of fools is perhaps the keenest.  Thomas Huxley.
    • An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. Will Rogers
    • An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. Will Rogers
    • Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. Will Rogers
    • Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. Will Rogers
    • Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers
    • Nothing you can't spell will ever work. Will Rogers
    • Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth. Will Rogers, 'Politics Getting Ready to Jell,' The Illiterate Digest, 1924
    • There is only one thing that can kill the Movies, and that is education. Will Rogers, Autobiography (1949)
    • The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best. Will Rogers, Illiterate Digest (1924), "Breaking into the Writing Game"
    • The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Will Rogers, Illiterate Digest (1924), "Helping the Girls with their Income Taxes"
    • Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. Will Rogers, Illiterate Digest (1924), "Warning to Jokers: lay off the prince"
    • You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. Will Rogers, New York Times Aug. 31 1924
    • Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. Will Rogers, New York TImes, Apr-29, 1930
    • You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way. Will Rogers, New York Times, Dec-23, 1929
    • I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. Will Rogers, quoted in Saturday Review, Aug-25, 1962
    • There is no present or future, only the past, happening over and over again, now. Eugene O'Neill
    • History is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake. James Joyce Irish author (1882-1941).
    • The blame of those ye better, The hate of those ye guard. Rudyard Kipling, The White Man's Burden, 1899
    • Those who speak most of progress measure it by quantity and not by quality.  George Santayana
    • When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.
    • In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.. Ellen DeGenere
    • A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand. Bertrand Russell
    • Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time.  EB White
    • When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.  Mark Twain
    • Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.  Benjamin Franklin
    • A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular. Adlai Ewing Stevenson
    • As a rule, dictatorships guarantee safe streets and terror of the doorbell. In democracy the streets may be unsafe after dark, but the most likely visitor in the early hours will be the milkman. Adam Michnik
    • A religion is sometime a source of happiness, and I would not deprive anyone of happiness. But it is a comfort appropriate for the weak, not for the strong. The great trouble with religion. any religion. is that a religionist, having accepted certain propositions by faith, cannot thereafter judge those propositions by evidence. One may bask at the warm fire of faith or choose to live in the bleak certainty of reason- but one cannot have both Robert Heinlein, Friday (1983)
    • I now define "moral behavior" as "behavior that tends toward survival." Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love (1973)
    • Touch is the most fundamental sense. A baby experiences it, all over, before he is born and long before he learns to use sight, hearing, or taste, and no human ever ceases to need it. Keep your children short on pocket money — but long on hugs. Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love (1973)
    • In declaring his love for a beaver dam (erected by beavers for beavers' purposes) and his hatred for dams erected by men (for the purposes of men) the Naturist reveals his hatred for his own race — i.e., his own self-hatred. Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love (1973)
    • Any organism which grows without limit always dies in its own poisons. Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love (1973)
    • Men rarely (if ever) manage to dream up a god superior to themselves. Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child. Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love (1973)
    • Religion is a crutch for people not strong enough to stand up to the unknown without help. Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love (1973)
    • Duty is a debt you owe to yourself to fulfill obligations you have assumed voluntarily. Paying that debt can entail anything from years of patient work to instant willingness to die. Difficult it may be, but the reward is self-respect. Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love (1973)
    • Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win. Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love (1973)
    • A generation which ignores history has no past — and no future. Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love (1973)
    • Wisdom is not additive; its maximum is that of the wisest man in a given group. Robert Heinlein, Glory Road (1963)
    • Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. Robert Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
    • The death rate is the same for us as for anybody...one person, one death, sooner or later. Robert Heinlein, Tunnel in the Sky (1955), Captain Helen Walker, chapter 2
    • Take sex away from people. Make it forbidden, evil. Limit it to ritualistic breeding. Force it to back up into suppressed sadism. Then hand the people a scapegoat to hate. Let them kill a scapegoat occasionally for cathartic release. The mechanism is ages old. Tyrants used it centuries before the word 'psychology' was ever invented. It works, too. Robert Heinlein, Revolt in 2100 (1953)
    • Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal. Robert Heinlein, Assignment in Eternity (1953)
    • Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's supposed to do. Robert Heinlein, Waldo & Magic, Inc. (1950)
    • One can judge from experiment, or one can blindly accept authority. To the scientific mind, experimental proof is all important and theory is merely a convenience in description, to be junked when it no longer fits. To the academic mind, authority is everything and facts are junked when they do not fit theory laid down by authority.  Robert Heinlein, "Doctor Pinero" in Life Line (1939)
    • Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind.  Marston Bates
    • Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago.  Bernard Berenson
    • We may appeal to every page of history we have hitherto turned over, for proofs irrefragable, that the people, when they have been unchecked, have been as unjust, tyrannical, brutal, barbarous and cruel as any king or senate possessed of uncontrollable power. John Adams. Letter to Thomas Jefferson (1815-11-13)
    • Statesmen, my dear Sir, may plan and speculate for Liberty, but it is Religion and Morality alone, which can establish the Principles upon which Freedom can securely stand. The only foundation of a free Constitution is pure Virtue, and if this cannot be inspired into our People in a greater Measure than they have it now, They may change their Rulers and the forms of Government, but they will not obtain a lasting Liberty. They will only exchange Tyrants and Tyrannies. John Adams. Letter to Zabdiel Adams (1776-06-21)
    • Right, as the world goes, is only in question between equals in power, while the strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must. Thucydides. History of the Peloponnesian War Book V, 89
    • When one is deprived of ones liberty, one is right in blaming not so much the man who puts the shackles on as the one who had the power to prevent him, but did not use it. Thucydides. History of the Peloponnesian War Book I, 69
    • Nor ought we to believe that there is much difference between man and man, but to think that the superiority lies with him who is reared in the severest school. Thucydides. History of the Peloponnesian War Book I, 84
    • "More law, less justice". Marcus tullius Cicero
    • "Only the shallow know themselves.". Oscar Wilde
    • "Sir, I admit your general rule, That every poet is a fool, But you yourself may serve to show it, That every fool is not a poet.". Samuel Taylor Coleridge
    • Over the obscure man is poured the merciful suffusion of darkness. None knows where he goes or comes. He may seek the truth and speak it; he alone is free; he alone is truthful, he alone is at peace. Virginia Woolf in Orlando.
    • Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be. William Hazlitt
    • Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question. Albert Camus
    • If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read "President Can't Swim". President Lyndon B. Johnson
    • If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. George Burns
    • Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. Bill Vaughan
    • Lack of money is the root of all evil. George Bernard Shaw
    • Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.  Isaac Asimov
    • None but a coward dares to boast that he has never known fear.- Ferdinand Foch
    • Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.  HL Mencken
    • At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.  Emo Phillips
    • In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is stoned to death.  Joan D. Vinge
    • "Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value ---- zero." VOLTAIRE (1694-1778)
    • "Whoever controls the volume of money in any country is absolute master of all industry and commerce." PRESIDENT JAMES A. GARFIELD
    • "While boasting of our noble deeds, we are careful to control the ugly fact that by an iniquitous money system, we have nationalized a system of oppression which, though more refined, is not less cruel than the old system of chattel slavery." HORACE GREELY
    • "Those who create and issue money and credit direct the policies of government and hold in the hollow of their hands the destiny of the people." SIR. REGINALD MCKENNA, former President of the Midland Bank of England
    • "Banking was conceived in iniquity, and was born in sin. The Bankers own the Earth. Take it away from them, but leave them the power to create deposits, and with the flick of the pen, they will create enough deposits, to buy it back again. However, take it away from them, and all the great fortunes like mine will disappear, and they ought to disappear, for this would be a happier and better world to live in. But if you wish to remain the slaves of Bankers, and pay the cost of your own slavery, let them continue to create deposits." SIR JOSIAH STAMP, (President of the Bank of England in the 1920's, the second richest man in Britain)
    • "Give me the power to issue a nation's money; then I do not care who makes the law." ANSELM ROTHSCHILD
    • "A great industrial nation is controlled by its system of credit. Our system of credit is concentrated. The growth of the Nation and all our activities are in the hands of a few men. We have come to be one of the worst ruled, one of the most completely controlled and dominated governments in the world--no longer a government of free opinion, no longer a government of conviction, and vote of the majority, but a government by the opinion and duress, of small groups of dominant men." Just before President Woodrow Wilson died, he is reported to have stated to friends that he had been "deceived" and that "I have betrayed my Country". referring to the Federal Reserve Act, passed during his Presidency. PRESIDENT WOODROW WILSON
    • "Paper money polluted the equity of our laws, turned them into engines of oppression, corrupted the justice of our public administration, destroyed the fortunes of thousands who had confidence in it, enervated the trade, husbandry, and manufactures of our country, and went far to destroy the morality of our people." PELATIAH WEBSTER  
    • "The bank hath benefit of interest on all moneys which it creates out of nothing." WILLIAM PATTERSON
    • "In the first place, then, it is patent that in our days, not wealth alone is accumulated, but immense power and despotic economic domination are concentrated in the hands of the few, who for the most part are not the owners but only the trustees and directors of invested funds, which they administer at their own good pleasure…This domination is most powerfully exercised by those who, because they hold and control money, also govern credit and determine its allotment, for that reason supplying so to speak, the life blood of the entire economic body, and grasping in their hands, as it were, the very soul of production, so that no one can breathe against their will…" POPE PIUS XI
    • "Thus, our national circulating medium is now at the mercy of loan transactions of banks, which lend, not money, but promises to supply money they do not possess." IRVING FISHER
    • "The modern banking system manufactures money out of nothing. The process is, perhaps, the most, astounding piece of sleight of hand that was ever invented. Banks can in fact inflate, mint, and un-mint the modern ledger-entry currency".  MAJOR L. L. B. ANGUS
    • "Banks lend by creating credit. They create the means of payment, out of nothing." RALPH M. HAWTREY, (Former Secretary of the British Treasury)
    • "This is a staggering thought. We are completely dependent, on the Commercial Banks. Someone has to borrow every dollar; we have in circulation, cash or credit. If the Banks create ample synthetic money, we are prosperous; if not, we starve. We are, absolutely, without a permanent money system. When one gets a complete grasp of the picture, the tragic absurdity, of our hopeless position, is almost incredible, but there it is. It is the most, important subject; intelligent persons can investigate and reflect upon. It is so important that our present civilization may collapse, unless it becomes widely understood, and the defects remedied very soon." ROBERT H. HEMPHILL (Credit Manager of Federal Reserve Bank, Atlanta, Georgia)
    • " . . . We have in this Country one of the most corrupt institutions the world has ever known. I refer to the Federal Reserve Board and the Federal Reserve Banks. . . . This evil institution has impoverished and ruined the people of the United States. . . . Some people think the Federal Reserve Banks are United States Government institutions. They are private credit monopolies, which, prey upon the people of the United States for the Benefit of themselves and their foreign customers. ..." "The Federal Reserve (Banks) are one of the most corrupt institutions, the world has ever seen. There is not a man, within the sound of my voice, who does not know that this Nation is run by the International Bankers". "Mr. Chairman, we have in this country one of the most corrupt institutions the world has ever known. I refer to the Federal Reserve Board and the Federal Reserve Banks, hereinafter called the Fed. The Fed has cheated the Government of the United States and the people of the United States out of enough money to pay the Nation's debt.... The wealth of these United States and the working capital have been taken away from them and has either been locked in the vaults of certain banks and the great corporations or exported to foreign countries for the benefit of foreign customers of these banks and corporations. So far as the people of the United States are concerned, the cupboard is bare." "When the Federal Reserve Act was passed, the people of these United States did not perceive that a world banking system was being set up here. A super-state controlled by international bankers and industrialists...acting together to enslave the world...Every effort has been made by the Fed to conceal its powers but the truth is--the Fed has usurped the government." CONGRESSMAN LOUIS T. McFADDEN and former Chairman of the Committee on Banking and Currency.
    • "The shepherd drives the wolf from the sheep for which the sheep thanks the shepherd as his liberator, while the wolf denounces him for the same act as the destroyer of liberty. Plainly, the sheep and the wolf are not agreed upon a definition of liberty." Abraham Lincoln
    • "The true character of liberty is independence, maintained by force."  Voltaire
    • "Firearms are second only to the Constitution in importance; they are the people's liberty's teeth." George Washington
    • A spy reported to a Spartan Officer... "There are so many Persians that their spears and sheilds block the sun!"
    • The Spartan replied, "Good, then we can fight in the shade!"
    • "War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things: the decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks nothing worth a war, is worse.... A war to protect other human beings against tyrannical injustice; a war to give victory to their own ideas of right and good, and which is their own war, carried on for an honest purpose by their own free choice-is often the means of their regeneration. John Stuart Mill (1806-1873), British philosopher, economist. “The Contest in America,” Dissertations and Discussions (1859). Written to oppose England’s siding with the Confederacy during the American Civil War.
    • "We make war that we may live in peace." Aristotle (384-322 B.C.),
    • "It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose." Darrin Weinberg
    • "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919)
    • "Courage is being scared to death. but saddling up anyway." John Wayne (1907-1979)
    • "What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight. it's the size of the fight in the dog." Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890-1969), speech to the Republican National Committee, January 31, 1958
    • ".. A devotee of law, he was forced to be often lawless; a civilian to the core, he had to maintain himself by the sword; with a passion to construct, his task was chiefly to destroy; the most scrupulous of men, he had to ride roughshod over his own scruples and those of others; the tenderest, he had continually to harden his heart; the most English of our greater figures, he spent his life in opposition to the majority of Englishmen; a realist, he was condemned to build that which could not last." John Buchan on Oliver Cromwell.
    • "To be prepared for war is one of the most effectual means of preserving peace." George Washington in a speech to both Houses of Congress, Jan. 8, 1790.
    • "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." Benjamin Franklin  (1706-1790),
    • "Injustice anywhere, is a threat to justice everywhere..." Martin Luther King jr
    • "A man who won't die for something is unfit to live." Martin Luther King jr
    • "You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach him all your art of war." Napoleon Bonaparte
    • "Not only strike while the iron is hot, but make it hot by striking." Oliver Cromwell
    • "In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."   Martin Luther King Jr.
    • "You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something in your life" Winston Churchill
    • "All we want are the facts, ma'am." Jack Webb series "Dragnet"  Misqoted as: "Just the facts, ma'am." in the 1987 Dragnet pseudo-parody film
    • We trained hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we would be reorganized. Presumably the plans for our employment were being changed. I was to learn later in life that, perhaps because we are so good at organizing, we tend as a nation to meet any new situation by reorganizing; and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency and demoralization." Charlton Ogburn (1911–1998) from "Merrill's Marauders: The truth about an incredible adventure" in the January 1957 issue of Harper's Magazine. Usually misattributed to Petronius Arbiter.
    • "Because I was there" A joke by Sir Edmund Hillary on why he climbed Mount Everest. Misquoted as: "Because it was there"
    • "Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men."  Lord Acton, 19th century English historian. Misquoted as: "Power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely."
    • "Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people." Karl Marx. Misquoted as: "Religion is the opiate of the masses."
    • "For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows." Bible: I Timothy 6:10 King James Version
    • "We sleep soundly in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm." Possibly Winston Churchill or George Orwell.  No substantiating references.
    • "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing" Probably misquote of Edmund Burke:  "When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle." Also attributed to Alexis de Tocqueville with no substantiating references.
    • "Spare the rod, spoil the child". Misquote of "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.". Bible (King James Version), Proverbs 13:24
    • Let them eat cake. Misattributed to Marie Antoinette. Jean-Jacques Rousseau, in his 1783 autobiography Confessions, relates that "a great princess" is said to have advised, with regard to starving peasants, "S’ils n’ont plus de pain, qu’ils mangent de la brioche", commonly translated as "If they have no bread, let them eat cake". It has been speculated that he was actually referring to Maria Theresa of Spain.
    • "Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into" Oliver Hardy, and often said after another one of Stan Laurel's mistakes.  
    • "Only the Dead have seen the end of War". George Santayana in his The Life of Reason (1953). often misattributed to Plato.
    • The end justifies the means. Misattributed to Machiavelli in "The Prince".  "The end excuses any evil". Sophocles in Electra (c 409 B.C.). "The result justifies the deed". Ovid in 'Heroides' (c-10 B.C.)."
    • Men fear thought as they fear nothing else on earth -- more than ruin -- more even than death.... Thought is subversive and revolutionary, destructive and terrible, thought is merciless to privilege, established institutions, and comfortable habit. Thought looks into the pit of hell and is not afraid. Thought is great and swift and free, the light of the world, and the chief glory of man. Bertrand Russell
    • A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx
    • From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. Groucho Marx
    • I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. Groucho Marx
    • Please accept my resignation. i don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member. Groucho Marx
    • I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. Groucho Marx
    • Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. Groucho Marx
    • Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. Groucho Marx
    • Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. Groucho Marx
    • Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx
    • Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. Groucho Marx
    • Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the  other is the husband.
    • When we only know how to use a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.
    • Time's arrow given by Entropy. the loss of organisation, or loss of temperature differences, is statistical and is subject to local small-scale reversals. Most striking: life is a systematic reversal of entropy, and intelligence creates structures and energy differences against the supposed gradual "death" through entropy of the physical universe.  Richard Gregory, 1981, Mind in Science, p136
    • Great Minds think Alike. Originated in the 1600's as 'Great wits jump.' Recorded by Daubridgecourt Belchier in 'Hans Beer-Pot' (1618) as 'Good wits doe iumpe (agree)'.
    • Q: "Is nothing sacred"  Ans:  "Yes.  it is."  Stephen Digby
    • Birthdays are god for you.  Statistics show that people who have the most birthdays live the longest. Larry Lorenzoni
    • Human creativity dos not increase over time, but becomes so much more accessible.  Attempting to engage with it threatens to mesmerise all but a tiny minority in a state of permanent passivity. Stephen Digby
    • After every victory you have more enemies. Jeanette Winterson
    • I hope....that mankind will at length, ...have the reason and sense enough to settle their differences without cutting throats... Benjamin Franklin
    • Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate. Thomas della Peruta
    • Violence can only be concealed by a lie, and the lie can only be maintained by violence. Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
    • The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same. Marie Beyle
    • Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official... Theodore Roosevelt
    • The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all. Tacitus
    • War's a game, which, were their subjects wise, Kings would not play at. William Cowper
    • War is fear cloaked in courage. General William Westmoreland
    • I am not blaming those who are resolved to rule, only those who show an even greater readiness to submit. Thucydides
    • It is far easier to make war than peace. Georges Clemenceau
    • The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions. Robert Lynd
    • Those who give up essential liberties for temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. Benjamin Franklin
    • War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead. Ken Gillespie
    • An army of principles can penetrate where an army of soldiers cannot. Thomas Paine
    • Wars teach us not to love our enemies, but to hate our allies. W. L. George
    • The opinion of 10,000 men is of no value if none of them know anything about the subject. Marcus Aurelius
    • Man was/is born free, and everywhere he is in chains. One who believes himself the master of others is nonetheless a greater slave than they. Jean Jaques Rousseau
    • For what can war, but endless war, still breed? John Milton
    • Let not your zeal to share your principles entice you beyond your borders. Marquis de Sade
    • It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood...War is hell. General William Tecumseh Sherman
    • It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong. Voltaire
    • The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being. Ellen Key
    • If, finally, violence meets with violence, we have confirmation of the age old adage that war though it kills many men, makes many more men evil. Fritz Medicus
    • It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so... Robert A. Heinlein
    • Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice. Lord Acton
    • Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. Salvor Hardin in "Foundation by "Issac Asimov
    • It is always easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. Alfred Adler
    • The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. Martin Luther King, Jr.
    • I hope our wisdom will grow with our power, and teach us, that the less we use our power the greater it will be.  Thomas Jefferson
    • War is the continuation of politics by other means. Karl Von Clausewitz
    • War remains the decisive human failure. John Kenneth Galbraith
    • All nations want peace, but they want a peace that suits them. Admiral Sir John Fisher
    • Under democracy, one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule – and both commonly succeed, and are right. H.L. Mencken
    • We are born weak, we need strength; helpless, we need aid; foolish, we need reason. All that we lack at birth, all that we need when we come to man's estate, is the gift of education Jean Jacques Rousseau (1712 1778)
    • People who know little are usually great talkers, while men who know much say little. Jean Jacques Rousseau
    • You have not converted a man because you have silenced him. John Morley (Rousseau)
    • One can buy anything with money except morality. Jean Jacques Rousseau (1712 1778)
    • Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty, but the pig likes it.   Anon
    • The Good Parent: What well nourished child wants to leave the womb ? What loved child wants to leave the breast ? What beloved child wants to leave the home ? All growth includes some pain. I am here for you whenever and whatever you need.   Stephen Digby
    • I met a traveller from an antique land   Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone   Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,   Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,   And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,   Tell that its sculptor well those passions read,   Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,   The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed,   And on the pedestal these words appear:   "My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:   Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"   Nothing beside remains. Round the decay   Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare   The lone and level sands stretch far away. Ozymandias Percy Bysshe Shelley (1792 1822)
    • If god's intention was to put man on earth...why make such a large planet ? ...and why such a vast solar system ? ...and why a galaxy? ...and then there are billions of stars other than our sun in the galaxy and then... trillions of other galaxies. This is over engineering surely. Intelligent design it isn't. Robyn Williams, Unintelligent Design, 2006
    • No one could make a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little. Edmund Burke (1729�1797)
    • Manners are of more importance than laws... Manners are what vex or soothe, corrupt or purify, exalt or debase, barbarize or refine us, by a constant, steady, uniform, insensible operation like that of the air we breathe in. Edmund Burke (1729�1797)
    • If I have seen a little further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants. Isaac Newton. Letter to Robert Hooke, 1676
    • The future is already here, it's just unevenly distributed.   William Gibson
    • "An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition! It's not just saying 'no, it isn't'!"   "Yes it is!"   "No it isn't!!"
    • Granted, Mr Wheeler's ideas are stupid and unreasonable, but he does own the company and I think we should go along with him..."
    • Illegitmitatum Non Carborundum Est (Never let the bastards grind you down!)
    • Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.   Dilbert Cartoon by Scott Adams
    • ...children in fact live at the beck and call of appetite, and it is in them that the desire for what is pleasant is strongest.   Aristotle, Nicomachean Ethics, Bk. 3, 119b
    • ...the myth of socialism is far stronger than the reality of capitalism. That is because capitalism is not really an ism at all. It is what people do if you leave them alone.   Arnold Beichmen, Hoover Institute Fellow
    • 1. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today. 2. Never trouble another for what you can do yourself. 3. Never spend your money before you have it. 4. Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will never be dear to you. 5. Pride costs us more than hunger, thirst, and cold. 6. Never repent of having eaten too little. 7. Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly. 8. Don't let the evils which have never happened cost you pain. 9. Always take things by their smooth handle 10. When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, count to one hundred. Thomas Jefferson
    • 2 + 2 = 5, for sufficiently large values of 2.
    • 98% of all statistics are made up. (Anonymous)
    • A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. "You didn't borrow this.", she said. "I will."   Rod Schmidt
    • A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
    • A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to. Granville Hicks (1901   1982)
    • A computer does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.
    • A computer's attention span is only as long as its extension cord.
    • A day without sunshine is like night. Steven Wright
    • A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.  Robert Frost
    • A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.   Caskie Stinnett
    • A fact in itself is nothing. It is valuable only for the idea attached to it, or for the proof which it furnishes.
    • A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.   Winston Churchill
    • A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • A friend in need may turn out to be a nuisance.
    • A friend in need.... is no friend of mine !
    • A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."  Steven Wright
    • A good laugh is sunshine in a house.   William Makepeace Thackeray
    • They say of a good leader: "We were well lead." They say of a great leader: "We did it ourselves".
    • A good leader is not the person who does things right, but the person who finds the right things to do. Anthony T. Dadovano
    • A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences. Dave Meurer, Daze of Our Wives
    • A human being is part of a whole, called by us the "Universe," a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest  a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.   Albert Einstein
    • A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labours of others.   Albert Einstein
    • A joke is a very serious thing.   Winston Churchill
    • A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.   Chinese Proverb
    • A kiss may ruin a human life.   Oscar Wilde
    • A knowledge of the existence of something we cannot penetrate, of the manifestations of the profoundest reason and the most radiant beauty, which are only accessible to our reason in their most elementary forms [ ] it is this knowledge and this emotion that constitute the truly religious attitude; in this sense, and in this alone, I am a deeply religious man.   Albert Einstein
    • A leader is best when people barely know he exists, not so good when people obey and acclaim him, worse when they despise him....But of a good leader who talks little when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say, "We did it ourselves. Lao Tzu
    • A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing   George Bernard Shaw
    • A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.   P.J. O'Rourke
    • A love for tradition has never weakened a nation, indeed it has strengthened nations in their hour of peril.   Winston Churchill
    • A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. Oscar Wilde (1854   1900), The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891
    • A man makes inferiors his superiors by heat; self control is the rule.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • A man ninety years old was asked to what he attributed his longevity. I reckon, he said, with a twinkle in his eye, it's because most nights I went to bed and slept when I should have sat up and worried.   Dorothea Kent
    • A man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. He sits on a hot stove for a minute, it's longer than any hour. That is relativity.   Albert Einstein
    • A man thinks that by mouthing hard words he understands hard things. Herman Melville (1819   1891)
    • A man who dares to waste an hour of time has not discovered the value of life.   Charles Darwin
    • A man who suffers before it is necessary, suffers more than is necessary.   Seneca
    • A man's ethical behaviour should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties and needs; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death.   Albert Einstein
    • A man's very highest moment is, I have no doubt at all, when he kneels in the dust, and beats his breast, and tells all the sins of his life.   Oscar Wilde
    • A metaphor is like a simile.  Steve Connelly
    • A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes. James Feibleman
    • A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom.
    • A person is intelligent. People are stupid. Mr. Smith (Men in Black)
    • A person's maturity consists in having found again the seriousness one had as a child, at play.   Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
    • A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.   Winston Churchill
    • A pessimist thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.   George Bernard Shaw
    • A plague o' both your houses!   Shakespeare: From Romeo and Juliet (III, i, 94) The Montagues and Capulets are feuding families, and Romeo (Montague) and Juliet (Capulet) have fallen in love and secretly married. When Tybalt, nephew of Sir Capulet, spots ...
    • A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
    • A real leader faces the music, even when he doesn't like the tune.
    • A rut is a grave with the ends knocked out   Laurence J. Peter
    • A spouse is what's left of a lover after the nerve has been extracted.
    • A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day. Andre Maurois (1885   1967)
    • A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Mignon McLaughlin
    • A successful tool is used to do something undreamed of by its author.   Johnson
    • A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy.   Albert Einstein
    • A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well than a fool can from a mountain top. Unknown
    • Ability is nothing without opportunity.   Napoleon Bonaparte
    • Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.   Comte de Bussy Rabutin
    • Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. Ambrose Bierce (1842   1914), The Devil's Dictionary
    • Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.   Dilbert Cartoon by Scott Adams
    • Adolescence is the time between puberty & adultery
    • Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it. Unknown
    • Advice is like snow; The softer it falls the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind.   Samuel Taylor Coleridge
    • Advice is like snow; The softer it falls the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind.   Samuel Taylor Coleridge
    • After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
    • After all is said and done, more is said than done.
    • Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone. Steven Wright
    • Age is a very high price to pay for maturity
    • Alas, I am dying beyond my means.   Oscar Wilde
    • Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy.   Shakespeare: From Hamlet (V, i, 203 204) Hamlet and Horatio come upon the grave of Ophelia, who killed herself after having gone mad. Hamlet is angry over the ...
    • All great truths begin as blasphemies.   George Bernard Shaw
    • All it takes to fly is to hurl yourself at the ground... and miss.   Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    • All marriages are mixed marriages. Chantal Saperstein
    • All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest   never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership. Ann Landers (1918   2002)
    • All my life I said I wanted to be someone...I can see now that I should have been more specific. Ford Prefect in   Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    • All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store... With a pricing gun... She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."  Steven Wright
    • All our lauded technological progress   our very civilization   is like the axe in the hand of the pathological criminal.   Albert Einstein
    • All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree. All these aspirations are directed toward ennobling man's life, lifting it from the sphere of mere physical existence and leading the individual towards freedom.   Albert Einstein
    • All that glisters is not gold.   Shakespeare: From The Merchant of Venice (II, vii) Portia is a beautiful, virtuous, wealthy woman who is being wooed by numerous suitors. She is not free to decide on her own whom she will marry because her late father ...
    • All thinks, to all things perfectly indifferent, perfectly work together in discord for a Good beyond good, for a Being more timeless in transience, more eternal in it's dwindling than God there in heaven.   A Huxley, The Island, Ch.4
    • All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
    • Allen's Axiom: When all else fails, follow instructions.
    • Almost anything is easier to get into than out of. Allen's Law
    • Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed.   Winston Churchill
    • Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it. Irene Peter
    • Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. Mickey Rooney (1920   )
    • Always Remember   the mightiest oak was once a little nut that held its ground
    • Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
    • Always, always accept good advice   as long as it doesn't interfere with your original plans.
    • Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?   Dilbert Cartoon by Scott Adams
    • America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.   Oscar Wilde
    • An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile   hoping it will eat him last.   Winston Churchill
    • An army of a thousand is easy to find, but, ah, how difficult to find a general. Chinese proverb
    • An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support. John Buchan (1875   1940)
    • An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.   Laurence J. Peter
    • An empty stomach is not a good political advisor.   Albert Einstein
    • Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
    • A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
    • A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
    • A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
    • An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows.   Dwight D. Eisenhower
    • An iron curtain has descended across the Continent.   Winston Churchill
    • An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true. Steven Wright
    • An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance. Murphy's Computer Law 39
    • Anarchism is founded on the observation that since few men are wise enough to rule themselves, even fewer are wise enough to rule others.   Edward Abbey
    • Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well. Samuel Butler (1835   1902)
    • Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.   Winston Churchill
    • Any more stupid and he'd have to be watered twice a week.
    • Any plant growing in the wrong place is a weed. Farmer's Almanac
    • Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.
    • Any suffiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Murphy's Computer Law
    • Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random numbers is, of course, in a state of sin. (John von Neumann)
    • Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.   Albert Einstein
    • Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.   Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    • Artificial Intelligence: Making computers behave like they do in the movies.
    • As far as I'm concerned, I prefer silent vice to ostentatious virtue.   Albert Einstein
    • As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.   Albert Einstein
    • As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.   Weisert
    • As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.   Oscar Wilde
    • As the planet turns, people will die before the morning burns. With the smallest actions, you often influence  which ones. You cannot find out you're wrong until after the act. The price of action is always high but so is the price of inaction. The planet turns.   Stephen Digby
    • Ask five economists and you'll get five different answers (six if one went to Harvard)..   Edgar R. Fiedler
    • Ask five economists and you'll get five different answers (six if one went to Harvard)..   Edgar R. Fiedler
    • Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim.
    • Asking whether machines can think is like asking whether submarines can swim.
    • At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.   Plato
    • Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.   Plato
    • Authority does not make you a leader It gives you the opportunity to be one.   Anonymous
    • Authority does not make you a leader It gives you the opportunity to be one.   Anonymous
    • Avoid putting yourself before others and you can become a leader among men. Lao Tzu
    • Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... It pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say, "What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!"  Steven Wright
    • Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers.   Tom Lehrer
    • Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical. Yogi Berra
    • Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play it safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary.   Sir Cecil Beaton
    • Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em.   Shakespeare: From Twelfth Night (II, v, 156 159) In this scene, the comic plot (as opposed to the romantic plot) unfolds when Malvolio, ...
    • Be not simply good; be good for something. Henry David Thoreau
    • Be Safe. Be Good. Enjoy... In that order.   Stephen Digby
    • Be thankful for problems or idiots would have your job.
    • Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
    • Before God we are all equally wise   and equally foolish.   Albert Einstein
    • Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.
    • Behind an able man there are always other able men.   Chinese Proverb
    • Behind every great fortune there is a crime.   Honore de Balzac
    • Behind many acts that many thought ridiculous, there lie many wise and weighty motives. Francois de La Rochefoucauld
    • Believe it can be done. When you believe something can be done, really believe, your mind will find the ways to do it. Believing a solution paves the way to solution.   David Schwartz
    • Bernard Shaw has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his friends.   Oscar Wilde
    • Better three hours too soon than one minute too late.   Shakespeare
    • Beware the ides of March.   Shakespeare: From Julius Caesar (I, ii, 33) A Soothsayer emerges from the crowd and speaks this prophecy to Julius Caesar, who asks him to come closer and repeat what he has just said. He studies the man's face, listens to the ...
    • Big Boy Caprice: Wait a minute! Wait. Wait. I'm having a thought. Oh yes. Oh yes. I'm going to have a thought. It's coming. It's coming. ...It's gone.
    • Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.   Oscar Wilde
    • Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it   Ella Williams
    • Blessed is the end user who expects nothing, for he/she will not be disappointed. Murphy's Computer Law
    • Blessed is the leader who seeks the best for those he serves. Unknown
    • Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving in words evidence of the fact. George Eliot
    • Blind men don't bungi jump, it scares the dog too much.
    • Boss or Leader? A Boss creates fear; A Leader creates confidence. Bossism creates resentment; Leadership breeds enthusiasm. A Boss says: "I"; A Leader says: "We". A Boss fixes blame; A Leader fixes mistakes. A Boss knows how; A Leader shows how. Bossism makes work drudgery; Leadership makes work interesting. A Boss relies on authority; A Leader relies on co operation. A Boss drives; A Leader leads. Anonymous
    • Boss or Leader? A Boss creates fear; A Leader creates confidence. Bossism creates resentment; Leadership breeds enthusiasm. A Boss says:I; A Leader says:We. A Boss fixes blame; A Leader fixes mistakes. A Boss knows how; A Leader shows how. Bossism makes work drudgery; Leadership makes work interesting. A Boss relies on authority; A Leader relies on co operation. A Boss drives; A Leader leads.   Anonymous
    • Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. Steven Wright
    • Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it. Shaw's Principle
    • But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.   Shakespeare: From Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1 2) Romeo Montague has climbed the orchard gate onto the property of the Capulets, his family's dire enemy. He has ...
    • But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.   Shakespeare: From Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1 2) Romeo Montague has climbed the orchard gate onto the property of the Capulets, his family's dire enemy. He has ...
    • Buying cheap to save money is like stopping the clock to save time neither works.   Quote from Think and Grow Rich
    • By the rude bridge that arched the flood, Their flag to April's breeze unfurled, Here once the embattled farmers stood, And fired the shot heard round the world. (Refers to the beginning of the American Revolutionary War. Concord Hymn   1837)   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Capital letters were always the best way of dealing with things you didn't have a good answer to.   Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    • Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone.   Keynes
    • Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. Garrison Keillor, American humorous writer and broadcaster (1942   )
    • Child: What am I supposed to do ? Parent: Look at the manual.
    • Children are all foreigners.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Children need love especially when they don't deserve it. Harold S. Hulbert
    • Children, just as they have no control over other parts, so have no control, at first, over the tongue.   Aristotle, History of Animals, Bk. 4, 536b
    • Chocolate: The other major food group.
    • Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Mark Twain (1835   1910)
    • Comfort zones are most often expanded through discomfort.   Peter Mcwilliams
    • Common sense is genius dressed in working clothes.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.   Albert Einstein
    • Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
    • Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
    • Computer Science: Solving today's problems tomorrow.
    • Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.   Pablo Picasso
    • Computers... are not designed, as we are, for ambiguity.   Thomas
    • Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
    • Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good. Steven Wright
    • Consider the past and you shall know the future.   Chinese Proverb
    • Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. (Oscar Wilde)
    • Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality that guarantees all the others.   Winston Churchill
    • Courtship is like looking at the beautiful photos in a seed catalog. Marriage is what actually comes up in your garden.
    • Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste of death but once.   Shakespeare: From Julius Caesar (II, ii, 32 37) Caesar's wife, Calpurnia, has had dreams in which her husband was murdered. At Caesar's request, the priests have ...
    • Crime does not pay ... as well as politics. Alfred E. Newman
    • Criticize and complain diplomatically: Praise something else first.
    • Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.   Steven Wright
    • Customer: A primitive life form at the bottom of the food chain.
    • Data does have a problem, in that it's only available about the past. (Clayton Christensen)
    • Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. R. Geis
    • Death to him meant the silence and the dark. It meant that he, who had been so much alive, would have been annihilated. Other lives would go on, busy, violent, and content, ecstatic and anguished, comfortable and full of anxiety, and utterly indifferent to what had been. Other people would eat in this house, talk in this room, love and get married and have their children, walk through the square, quarrel and come together; and he would be gone from it forever. Any life, he cried to himself, any life, however stricken with pain, racked by conflict, beaten in all its hopes, is better than the nothingness. It would be better to be a shadow in the darkness, to be able to watch without taking part, than to be struck into that state for which all images are more consoling than the truth   just this world of human beings living out their lives, and oneself not there. C.P. Snow. The Conscience of the Rich Ch.39
    • Democracy is a charming form of government, full of variety and disorder, and dispensing a sort of equality to equals and unequal alike.   Plato
    • Democracy is the name we give the people whenever we need them. Marquis de Flers Robert and Arman de Caillavet
    • Desire for approval and recognition is a healthy motive, but the desire to be acknowledged as better, stronger or more intelligent than a fellow being or fellow scholar easily leads to an excessively egoistic psychological adjustment, which may become injurious for the individual and for the community.   Albert Einstein
    • Diagnostics are the programs that run when nothing else will.
    • Dictators ride to and fro upon tigers which they dare not dismount. And the tigers are getting hungry.   Winston Churchill
    • Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in... I think that is how dogs spend their lives. Sue Murphy
    • Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.   Steven Wright
    • Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old; Seek what they sought.   Basho
    • Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater.   Albert Einstein
    • Do what thy manhood bids thee do. From none but yourself expect applause. He noblest lives and noblest dies who makes and keeps his self made laws. Sir Richard Francis Burton, British explorer & orientalist (1821   1890)
    • Do you imagine that I should call all little children courageous, who fear no dangers because they have no understanding   Plato, Laches
    • Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?  Steven Wright
    • Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.  Dick Brandon
    • Dogs come when they are called. Cats take the message and get back to you   Mary Bly
    • Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I'm gonna say, "Go ahead, touch it... It feels real."  Steven Wright
    • Done to death by slanderous tongue Was the Hero that here lies   Shakespeare: From Much Ado About Nothing (V, iii, 3 4) Claudio makes this speech at what he believes to be Hero's tomb. At their wedding, Claudio had been duped into believing Hero was ...
    • Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is   H. Jackson Browne
    • Don't be humble, you're not that great. Golda Meir
    • Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
    • Don't drink water, fish breed in it.   Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    • Don't get mad, get even.   Anonymous
    • Don't judge a book by its movie
    • Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. Robert Benchley (1889   1945)
    • Driving down the street at 150 miles per hour with a friend of mine on cruise control. Both of us in the back seat. The police pulled us over. They don't know who to arrest, nobody's driving. So, they arrested us both. I'm on the witness stand. You know the rest.  Steven Wright
    • During the last century, and part of the one before, it was widely held that there was an irreconcilable conflict between knowledge and belief. The opinion prevailed among advanced minds that it was time that belief should be replaced increasingly by knowledge; belief that did not itself rest on knowledge was superstition, and as such had to be opposed. According to this conception, the sole function of education was to open the way to thinking and knowing, and the school, as the outstanding organ for the people's education, must serve that end exclusively.   Albert Einstein quoting Newton
    • Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility. I chose the former and have seen no reason to change   Frank Lloyd Wright
    • Earth (has) a problem: most of the people living on it (are) unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions (are) suggested for this problem, but most of these (are) largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it (isn't) the small green pieces of paper that (are) unhappy.   Douglas Adams in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
    • Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists..   John Kenneth Galbraith
    • Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.   Oscar Wilde
    • Education is not the piling on of learning, information, data, facts, skills, or abilities   that's training or instruction .... One of the greatest problems of our time is that many are schooled but few are educated. Thomas Moore in The Education of the Heart
    • Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.   Ambrose Bierce
    • Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.   Groucho Marx
    • Employ teenagers   while they know everything.
    • Errors using inadequate data are much less than those using no data at all. (Charles Babbage)
    • Et tu, Brute?   Shakespeare: From Julius Caesar (III, i, 77) Perhaps the most famous three words uttered in literature, Et tu, Brute? (Even you, Brutus?) this expression has come down in history to mean the ultimate betrayal by one's closest friend. ...
    • Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke. Hermann Hesse
    • Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Steven Wright
    • Every hero becomes a bore at last.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Every man of ambition has to fight his century with its own weapons. What this century worships is wealth. The God of this century is wealth. To succeed one must have wealth. At all costs one must have wealth.   Oscar Wilde
    • Every person of genius is considerably helped by being dead.
    • Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.  Steven Wright
    • Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens Lieberman's Law
    • Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
    • Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.   Winston Churchill
    • Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts. (Daniel Moynihan)
    • Everything I say is a lie.
    • Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.   Albert Einstein
    • Everywhere is walking distance, if you have the time.   Steven Wright
    • Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself, the most comforting words of all; This, too, shall pass.   Ann Landers
    • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
    • Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.   Oscar Wilde
    • Factorials were someone's attempt to make math LOOK exciting.   Steven Wright
    • Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea...   Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    • After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself. Farnsdick's Corollary.
    • Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions.   Albert Einstein
    • Few people blame themselves... until they have exhausted all other possibilities
    • For every person who wants to teach there are approximately thirty people who don't want to learn  much. W. C. Sellar and R. J. Yeatman, And Now All This (1932) introduction
    • Forgiveness is easier to obtain than permission.
    • Frailty, thy name is woman!   Shakespeare: From Hamlet (I, ii, 146) Hamlet is furious with his mother, Gertrude, for marrying Claudius within a month of his father's death. Claudius, the late King Hamlet's brother, is the new King of Denmark. In this ...
    • Friends come and go but enemies accumulate. Jone's Motto
    • From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.   Winston Churchill
    • Genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration.   Thomas Alva Edison
    • Genius is the ability to reduce the complicated to the simple.   C W Ceran
    • Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. Elbert Hubbard
    • Get the habit of analysis  analysis will in time enable synthesis to become your habit of mind.   Frank Lloyd Wright
    • Get thee to a nunn'ry.   Shakespeare: From Hamlet (III, i, 122) Hamlet lashes out at the fragile and innocent Ophelia with this phrase. Ophelia has been ordered by her father Polonius to stop seeing Hamlet. As Hamlet sinks into despair over the murder of ...
    • Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. (Mark Twain)
    • Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant. (Mitchell Kapor)
    • Give me my robe, put on my crown; I have Immortal longings in me.   Shakespeare: From Antony and Cleopatra (V, ii, 282 283) With these words, Cleopatra, Queen of Egypt, joins her Roman lover, Mark Antony, in death. Mark Antony and Octavius Caesar ...
    • Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities   Frank Lloyd Wright in "An Autobiography" (1932)
    • Give us the tools and we will finish the job.   Winston Churchill
    • God does not play dice with the universe.   Albert Einstein
    • God is subtle, but he is not malicious. [Raffinerat ist der Herr Gott, aber boshaft ist Er nicht.]   Albert Einstein
    • God is the great mysterious motivator of what we call nature, and it has been said often by philosophers, that nature is the will of God. And, I prefer to say that nature is the only body of God that we shall ever see. If we wish to know the truth concerning anything, we'll find it in the nature of that thing   Frank Lloyd Wright
    • Gods are capricious characters, and the biggest part of me had no desire to have it proved that one really existed. What if you saw your burning bush and it turned out that the Power behind it was a psychopathic child, like the Christian God ? He's God, right ? He's proved it and you've got to do what he tells you to do. So what if he asks you to sacrifice your son on altar to His massive ego, or build a big boat in your back yard, or pimp your wife to the local Honcho, blackmail him, and give him a dose of the clap ? (Don't believe me ? Genesis 12:10 20. You learn the most interesting things in church.) John Varley, Steel Beach, Harper Collins 1992, Pp361
    • Going to church does not make you a Christian anymore than going to the garage makes you a car.
    • Good enough never is. Debbi Fields
    • Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow.   Shakespeare: From Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 185) In this poignant scene the doomed lovers have just exchanged their vows of undying love and devotion. This dialogue is one of the richest and best ...
    • Granted, Mr Wheeler's ideas are stupid and unreasonable, but he does own the company and I think we should go along with him...   Anon
    • Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.   Albert Einstein
    • Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
    • Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly. Albert Einstein
    • Grief is a gift. Something that you have to earn. Peter Hoeg, Miss Smilla's Feeling for Snow p.10
    • Growing Old Is Inevitable. Growing Up Is Optional
    • Happiness = wanting what you get.
    • Happiness can be defined, in part at least, as the fruit of the desire and ability to sacrifice what we want now for what we want eventually. Stephen Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
    • Happiness is a perfume which you cannot pour on someone without getting some on yourself.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Happiness is good health and a bad memory   Ingrid Bergman (1917 1982)
    • Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort.   Franklin D Roosevelt
    • Hard work spotlights the character of people; some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all!
    • Hard work spotlights the character of people; some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all!
    • Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat   Harry Emerson Fosdick
    • Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations.
    • Having a child is the most enduring, complete and unconditional of all love   Stephen Digby
    • Having children is hereditary.
    • He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said, "Yes, but not right now."  Steven Wright
    • He could not quite forget the illusion, which we all have, most strongly when we are young, that every kind of action is possible to us if only we use our will. He felt, as we all do when we have slowly come to terms with our temperament and no longer try to be different from ourselves. We may be happier now, but we cannot help looking back to the days when we struggled against the sight of our limitations, when, miserable and conflict-ridden perhaps, we still in flashes of hope held the whole world in our hands. For the loss, as we come to know ourselves, is that now we know what we can never do. C.P. Snow. The Conscience of the Rich Ch.11
    • He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.   Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    • He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.   Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    • He not busy being born is busy dying.   Bob Dylan
    • He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches. George Bernard Shaw (1856   1950), Man and Superman (1903) "Maxims for Revolutionists"
    • He who cannot agree with his enemies is controlled by them. Chinese proverb
    • He who has a thousand friends Has not a friend to spare, While he who has one enemy Shall meet him everywhere.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • He who laughs last thinks slowest.
    • He who laughs, lasts.
    • Health = The slowest possible rate of dying.
    • Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die
    • Hear and you forget; see and you remember; do and you understand.   Confucius
    • Heaven goes by favor, if it went by merit, you would stay out, and your dog would go in. Mark Twain
    • Heaven goes by favour. If it were by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in   Mark Twain
    • Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. George Bernard Shaw (1856   1950)
    • Hermits have no peer pressure.   Steven Wright
    • He's mad that trusts in the tameness of a wolf, a horse's health, a boy's love, or a whore's oath.   Shakespeare: From King Lear (III, vi, 19 21) The fool in Shakespeare's plays often serves as the person who sees things in the most honest way. In King ...
    • History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.   Winston Churchill
    • History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme. Mark Twain
    • Hitch your wagon to a star.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.   Plato
    • Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people. F.M. Hubbard
    • Hope smiles on the threshold of the year to come, whispering that it will be happier. Alfred Lord Tennyson English poet (1809   1892)
    • Horngren's Observation: (generalized) The real world is a special case.
    • How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.   Coco Chanel
    • How now? A rat? Dead, for a ducat, dead!   Shakespeare: From Hamlet (III, iv, 23) Hamlet slays Polonius, whom he mistakes for the King hiding behind the arras in Gertrude's room. Earlier, the King, realizing that Hamlet has deduced that it was he who ...
    • How young can you die of old age?  Steven Wright
    • Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.   Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    • Humor is the shortest distance between two people   Henry Youngman
    • I always avoid prophesying beforehand, because it is a much better policy to prophesy after the event has already taken place.   Winston Churchill
    • I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. Lily Tomlin
    • I am a nutritional overachiever. Steven Wright
    • I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it   Pablo Picasso
    • I am always willing to learn. I do not, however, always enjoy being taught.   Winston Churchill
    • I am at two with nature   Woody Allen
    • I am certainly not one of those who need to be prodded. In fact, if anything, I am the prod.   Sir Winston Churchill
    • I am complete but not finished. Greg Anderson in The 22 Non Negotiable Laws of Wellness
    • I am constant as the northern star, Of whose true fix'd and resting quality There is no fellow in the firmament.   Shakespeare: From Julius Caesar (III, i, 60   62) With this speech, Caesar seals his fate. After arrogantly defying three separate warnings ...
    • I am convinced that some political and social activities and practices of the Catholic organizations are detrimental and even dangerous for the community as a whole, here and everywhere. I mention here only the fight against birth control at a time when overpopulation in various countries has become a serious threat to the health of people and a grave obstacle to any attempt to organize peace on this planet.   Albert Einstein
    • I am dying, Egypt, dying.   Shakespeare: From Antony and Cleopatra (IV, xv, 41) Mark Antony speaks these words to Cleopatra, Queen of Egypt, as he lies dying in her arms in this historic tragedy that sweeps across the world from Rome to the East. ...
    • I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.   Albert Einstein
    • I am having an out of money experience. Steven Wright
    • I am more afraid of an army of 100 sheep led by a lion than an army of 100 lions led by a sheep. Talleyrand
    • I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.   A. Whitney Brown
    • I am only one. But still, I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.   Edward Everett Hale
    • I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.   Mark Twain
    • I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.   Winston Churchill
    • I assert that the cosmic religious experience is the strongest and the noblest driving force behind scientific research.   Albert Einstein
    • I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. Frank Lloyd Wright
    • I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. Garrison Keillor, American humorous writer and broadcaster (1942   
    • I believe totally in a Capitalist System, I only wish that someone would try it   Frank Lloyd Wright
    • I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else's property.  Steven Wright
    • I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He's an East German Shepherd. Very disciplined.  Steven Wright
    • I bought a house, on a one way dead end road. I don't know how I got there.  Steven Wright
    • I bought some powdered water once... but I didn't know what to add.   Steven Wright
    • I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.  Steven Wright
    • I called the Census Bureau to see why they hadn't sent me a form, and they said that I was too nondescript to influence the demographics one way or another   Steve Connelly
    • I can levitate birds. No one cares   Steven Wright
    • I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.   Steven Wright
    • I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.   Dilbert Cartoon by Scott Adams
    • I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modelled after our own. A God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the death of his body, although feeble souls harbour such thoughts through fear or ridiculous egotisms.   Albert Einstein
    • I can't stop thinking like this.  Steven Wright
    • I can't wait to be arrested and go all the way to the witness stand. "Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you, God?" "Yes, you're ugly. See that women in the jury? I'd really like to sleep with her. Should I keep going or are you going to ask me questions?"  Steven Wright
    • I didn't know it then, but looking back, in hindsight, I realize that when I was younger I could see into the future. Now I'm getting all my premonitions as flashbacks!  Steven Wright
    • I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way. Mark Twain (1835-1910)
    • I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.   Dilbert Cartoon by Scott Adams
    • I don't have to walk my dog anymore. I walked him all at once.   Steven Wright
    • I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
    • I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.   Dilbert Cartoon by Scott Adams
    • I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.   Woody Allen
    • When I call for statistics about the rate of infant mortality, what I want is proof that fewer babies died when I was Prime Minister than when anyone else was Prime Minister.  Winston Churchill
    • I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one... It wasn't doing what I was doing.  Steven Wright
    • I got an answering machine for my phone. Now when I'm not home and somebody calls me up, they hear a recording of a busy signal.  Steven Wright
    • I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.   Steven Wright
    • I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 50 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'. Steven Wright
    • I had amnesia once or twice. Rod Schmidt
    • I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.  Steven Wright
    • I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.  Steven Wright
    • I have a hobby...I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it...   Steven Wright
    • I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, "Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile." I spent last summer folding it. I also have a full size map of the world. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, "E6".  Steven Wright
    • I have a microwave fireplace in my house... The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes.   Steven Wright
    • I have a real problem with all these organic foods. Seems to me once you're past 50, you need all the preservatives you can get.
    • I have a switch in my apartment... it doesn't do anything.... Every once in a while, I turn it on and off.... One day I got a call... it was from a woman in France.... She said "Cut it out".... Steven Wright
    • I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him. Galileo Galilei (1564   1642)
    • I have no particular talent. I am merely inquisitive.   Albert Einstein
    • I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat.   Winston Churchill
    • I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer. Kehlog Albran
    • I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.   Winston Churchill
    • I have the oldest typewriter in the world. It types in pencil.   Steven Wright
    • I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... Perhaps you've seen it.   Steven Wright
    • I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.   Poul Anderson
    • I heard that in relativity theory space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.  Alex Kirlik
    • I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all. Alfred Lord Tennyson English poet (1809   1892), In Memoriam, 1850, line 27, stanza 4
    • I installed a skylight in my apartment.... The people who live above me are furious!  Steven Wright
    • I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.   Steven Wright
    • I keep living for the same reasons I think so many of us do. I'm curious about what happens next. What will tomorrow hold ? Even if it's much like yesterday, it's still worth finding out. My pleasures may not be as many or as joyous as I'd wish them to be in a perfect world, but I accept that, and it makes the times I do feel happy all the more treasured. Again, just to be sure you understand me, I like life. Not all the time and not completely, but enough to want to live it. And there's a third reason, too. I'm afraid to die. I don't want to die. I suspect that nothing comes after life, and that's too foreign a concept for me to accept. I don't want to experience it. I don't want to go away, to cease. I'm important to me. John Varley Steel Beach Harper Collins 1992
    • I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.   Albert Einstein
    • I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! Tom Lehrer (1928   )
    • I like a man who grins when he fights.   Winston Churchill
    • I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.   Winston Churchill
    • I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.   Winston Churchill
    • I like to pick up hitchhikers. When they get in the car I say, "Put on your seat belt. I want to try something. I saw it once in a cartoon, but I think I can do it."  Steven Wright
    • I like to reminisce with people I don't know. Granted, it takes longer.  Steven Wright
    • I like to skate on the other side of the ice.  Steven Wright
    • I liked "Slaughterhouse 5", but I can't find the first four anywhere.  NOT a Steven Wright joke (a look alike from Steve Connelly)
    • I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.   Albert Einstein
    • I locked my keys in the car the other day. But it was alright, I was still inside.  Steven Wright
    • I look on that man as happy, who, when there is question of success, looks into his work for a reply.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • I love acting. It is so much more real than life.  Oscar Wilde
    • I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner
    • I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.   Dilbert Cartoon by Scott Adams
    • I love to reminisce with people I don't know... Steve Wright
    • I love work, I could sit and watch it all day long. Henry Ford
    • I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.   Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    • I never make mistakes. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
    • I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.   Albert Einstein
    • I photocopied a mirror just to see what would happen... Now I have an extra photocopy machine.   Steven Wright
    • I plan on living forever. So far, so good. Steven Wright
    • I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.  Steven Wright
    • I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.   Steven Wright
    • I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking" but I didn't have that much time.   Steven Wright
    • I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Must be an awful lot of tired people on that highway.   Steven Wright
    • I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.   Steven Wright
    • I spilled Spot Remover on my dog... Now he's gone. Steven Wright
    • I start with the premise that the function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers. Ralph Nader
    • I think a secure profession for young people is history teacher, because in the future, there will be so much more of it to teach. Bill Muse
    • I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability. Oscar Wilde (1854   1900)
    • I tried to draw my shadow once, but I couldn't... My arm kept moving.  Steven Wright
    • I try to daydream, but my mind keeps wandering.   Steven Wright
    • I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.
    • I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details.   Albert Einstein
    • I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, "Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?" "Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long..."  Steven Wright
    • I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was "woman".   Steven Wright
    • I was once arrested for walking in someone else's sleep.   Steven Wright
    • I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.  Steven Wright
    • I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.   Steven Wright
    • I was young, too, once, and then I had a tongue very inactive and a doing hand. Now as I go forth to the test, I see that everywhere among the race of men it is the tongue that wins and not the deed.   Odysseus in Philoctetes, 95 99, Sophocles
    • I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.  Steven Wright
    • I went around my house and turned on all the lights. Then I put mirrors around all the light bulbs. Now the electric company sends me a check each month.  Steven Wright
    • I went down the street to the 24 hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row."  Steven Wright
    • I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.   Steven Wright
    • I went to a fancy French restaurant called Deja Vu. The headwaiter said, Don't I know you? Rod Schmidt
    • I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.  Steven Wright
    • I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.  Steven Wright
    • I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead. Woody Allen
    • I woke up this morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called information. She said they were behind the couch. She was right. Steven Wright
    • I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult   Rita Rudner
    • I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else. Lily Tomlin
    • I wrote a few children's books...not on purpose.   Steven Wright
    • I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."   Steven Wright
    • I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.   Dilbert Cartoon by Scott Adams
    • I'd probably be famous now if I wasn't such a good waitress.   Jane Siberry
    • Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality the cost becomes prohibitive
    • Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen.   John Steinbeck
    • If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z where X is work; Y is play; and Z is keep your mouth shut.   Albert Einstein
    • If a man would move the world, he must first move himself. Socrates
    • If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?
    • If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
    • If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?  Steven Wright
    • If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0
    • If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
    • If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
    • If I had more time I would write a shorter letter.   Blaise Pascal
    • If I had my life to live over again, I'd be a plumber.   Albert Einstein
    • If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.   Albert Einstein
    • If I only knew who in fact I am, I should cease to behave as what I think I am; And if I stopped behaving as what I think I am, I should know who I am.   A Huxley, The Island, Ch.5
    • If ignorance is really bliss like they say, I know some people who must be orgasmic all the time.
    • If it's there and you can see it, it's real. If it's not there and you can see it, it's virtual. If it's there and you can't see it, it's transparent. If it's not there and you can't see it, you erased it!   IBM poster
    • If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of it ... it would have been much better.   Karl Marx's mother
    • If music be the food of love, play on; Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting, The appetite may sicken, and so die.   Shakespeare: From Twelfth Night (I, i,1 3) In the opening scene of the first Act of Twelfth Night , we meet Orsino, and learn at once ...
    • If somebody says "It's not the money, it's the principle".  It's the money.
    • If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.   Robert X. Cringely
    • If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of. Maier's Law
    • If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.   Albert Einstein
    • If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel I'll let you have the pen!  Steven Wright
    • If the possibility of the spiritual development of all individuals is to be secured, a second kind of outward freedom is necessary. The development of science and of the creative activities of the spirit in general requires still another kind of freedom, which may be characterised as inward freedom. It is this freedom of the spirit which consists in the interdependence of thought from the restrictions of authoritarian and social prejudices as well as from unphilosophical routinizing and habit in general. This inward freedom is an infrequent gift of nature and a worthy object for the individual.   Albert Einstein
    • If the world didn't suck.... we'd all fall off.
    • If there are no stupid questions, then what sort of questions do stupid people ask?   Dogbert
    • If toast always lands butter side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?  Steven Wright
    • If we encounter a man of rare intellect, we should ask him what books he reads.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?   Albert Einstein
    • If we open a quarrel between the past and the present, we shall find that we have lost the future.   Winston Churchill
    • If wisdom were offered me with the provision that I should keep it shut up and refrain from declaring it, I should refuse. There's no delight in owning anything unshared.   Seneca
    • If you are not an idealist by the time you are twenty you have no heart, but if you are still an idealist by the time you are thirty, you don't have a head.   Randolph Bourne
    • If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.   Albert Einstein
    • If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
    • If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?  NOT a Steven Wright joke (a Rod Schmidt look alike)
    • If you cannot convince them, confuse them. Harry S Truman (1884   1972)
    • If you can't afford to do something right, then be darn sure you can afford to do it wrong.   Charlie Nelson
    • If you can't beat them, join them    then beat them
    • If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses. Steven Wright
    • If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older.   Abraham Sutzkever
    • If you do something right the first time, no one knows how difficult it was
    • If you don't care, your customers never will.   Marlene Blaszczyk
    • If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there.
    • If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce.   Winston Churchill
    • If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time. a tremendous whack.   Winston Churchill
    • If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. Mark Twain (1835   1910)
    • If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.   Oscar Wilde
    • If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?  Steven Wright
    • If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, Was it still funny ???   Steven Wright
    • If you torture data sufficiently, it will confess to almost anything. (Fred Menger)
    • If you want a mate who is smart, rich and devoted...you're gonna have to get married three times.
    • If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?   Steven Wright
    • If you will not fight for the right when you can easily win without bloodshed, if you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not too costly, you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a small chance of survival. There may even be a worse case: you may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves.   Winston Churchill
    • If you wish to be a sucess in the world, promise everything, deliver nothing.   Napoleon Bonaparte
    • If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Henny Youngman
    • If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.  Steven Wright
    • If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory. Benjamin Disraeli
    • I'm a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house.   Zsa Zsa Gabor
    • I'm interested in the fact that the less secure a man is, the more likely he is to have extreme prejudice. Clint Eastwood
    • I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity.   Steven Wright
    • I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship   Louisa May Alcott
    • I'm unhappy with the lack of purpose in human life, or with the fact that so far I've been unable to discover a purpose. I envy the Christian, the Bahais, the Zens and Zoroastrians and astrologers and Flackites because they have answers they believe in. Even if they're wrong answers, it must be comforting to believe in them. I mourn the Dead Billions of the Invasion; seeing a good documentary about it can move me to tears, just like a child. I'm generally pissed off at the entirely sorry existential state of affairs of the universe, the human condition, rampant injustice and unpunished crimes and unrewarded goodness, and the way my mouth feels when I get up in the morning before I brush my teeth. \\'85..John Varley Steel Beach Harper Collins 1992
    • I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done, so now I just have to fill in the rest.  Steven Wright
    • I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.   Steven Wright
    • Imagination is a quality given a man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.   Oscar Wilde
    • Imagination is more important than knowledge, for knowledge is limited while imagination embraces the entire world.   Albert Einstein
    • Implementation is the sincerest form of flattery.
    • In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would have taken many men many months to equal it. Unknown
    • In any field of scientific endeavor, anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Murphy's Third Law
    • In any human endeavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else. Murphy's Computer Law 51
    • In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. Rita Rudner
    • In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. Steven Wright
    • In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... So I never have to go upstairs.  Steven Wright
    • In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Cut it out."  Steven Wright
    • In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep, one must above all be a sheep oneself.   Albert Einstein
    • In politics, an absurdity is not a handicap.   Napoleon Bonaparte
    • In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence   Rod Schmidt
    • In skating over thin ice our safety is in our speed   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • In the beginning I was made. I didn't ask to be made. No one consulted me or considered my feelings in this matter. But if it brought some passing fancy to some lowly humans as they haphazardly pranced their way through life's mournful jungle then so be it.   Marvin the Android in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    • In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad idea.   Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    • In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.   Albert Einstein
    • In the temple of science are many mansions, and various indeed are they that dwell therein and the motives that have led them hither. Many take to science out of a joyful sense of superior intellectual power; science is their own special sport to which they look for vivid experience and the satisfaction of ambition; many others are to be found in the temple who have offered the products of their brains on this altar for purely utilitarian purposes. Were an angel of the Lord to come and drive all the people belonging to these two categories out of the temple, the assemblage would be seriously depleted, but there would still be some men, of both present and past times, left inside.   Albert Einstein
    • In the twenty first century, whoever controls the screen controls consciousness, information and thought. (Timothy Leary)
    • In war: resolution. In defeat: defiance. In victory: magnanimity. In peace: goodwill.   Winston Churchill
    • In wartime, truth is so precious that she should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies.   Winston Churchill
    • Information is not knowledge anymore than ingredients are a cake.
    • Information is the currency of democracy. (Thomas Jefferson)
    • Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.   Albert Einstein
    • Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful. Samuel Johnson
    • Intellect annuls fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Intelligence makes clear to us the interrelationship of means and ends. But mere thinking cannot give us a sense of the ultimate and fundamental ends. To make clear these fundamental ends and valuations and to set them fast in the emotional life of the individual, seems to me precisely the most important function which religion has to form in the social life of man.   Albert Einstein
    • Intuition becomes increasingly valuable in the new information society precisely because there is so much data. (John Naisbitt)
    • It becomes plausible that information belongs among the great concepts of science such as matter, energy and electric charge. (Norbert Wiener in 1954)
    • It doesn't work to leap a twenty foot chasm in two ten foot jumps   American proverb
    • It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level   Marvin the Android in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    • It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.   Albert Einstein
    • It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.   Winston Churchill
    • It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations.   Winston Churchill
    • It is a magnificent feeling to recognize the unity of complex phenomena which appear to be things quite apart from the direct visible truth.   Albert Einstein
    • It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.   Albert Einstein
    • It is a mistake to look too far ahead. Only one link in the chain of destiny can be handled at a time.   Winston Churchill
    • It is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.   Winston Churchill
    • It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness.   Seneca
    • It is a socialist idea that making profits is a vice; I consider the real vice is making losses.   Winston Churchill
    • It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit. Harry S Truman (1884   1972)
    • It is an important and popular fact that things are not always as they seem   Douglas Adams
    • It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.   Oscar Wilde
    • It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust. Samuel Johnson
    • It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. George Bernard Shaw (1856   1950), Man and Superman (1903) "Maxims for Revolutionists"
    • Rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men. Douglas Bader
    • It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.
    • It is my ambition to say in ten sentences what others say in a whole book.   Friedrich Nietzsche
    • It is never too late to be what you might have been.   Farmer's Almanac, 1995
    • It is no use saying, 'We are doing our best.' You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.   Sir Winston Churchill
    • It is not length of life, but depth of life.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • It is not true that life is one damn thing after another    it's one damn thing over and over. Edna St. Vincent Millay
    • It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • It is only the superficial qualities that last. Man's deeper nature is soon found out.   Oscar Wilde
    • It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge.   Albert Einstein
    • It is very easy in the world to live by the opinion of the world. It is very easy in solitude to be self centred. But the finished man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • It may be that your purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
    • It may be true that life begins at 50, but everything else seems to wear out, fall out or spread out.
    • It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong, and an even bigger one to keep his mouth shut when he's right.  Jim Fiebig
    • It takes money to make money because you have to copy the design exactly. Steve Connelly
    • It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. Steven Wright
    • Driving a car at night. You never see further than your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.
    • It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
    • It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.   Woody Allen
    • It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.   Albert Einstein
    • I've never been an intellectual... but I have this look.   Woody Allen
    • Joy in looking and comprehending is nature's most beautiful gift.   Albert Einstein
    • Judgement comes from experience; experience comes from poor judgement. Murphy's Computer Law
    • Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
    • Kites rise highest against the wind. Winston Churchill
    • Knowing others is wisdom. Knowing yourself is enlightenment.   LaoTzu
    • Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers. Alfred Lord Tennyson English poet (1809-1892)
    • Knowledge is power.   Thomas Hobbes
    • Knowledge of what is does not open the door directly to what should be. If one asks the whence derives the authority of fundamental ends, since they cannot be stated and justified merely by reason, one can only answer: they exist in a healthy society as powerful traditions, which act upon the conduct and aspirations and judgements of the individuals; they are there, that is, as something living, without its being necessary to find justification for their existence. They come into being not through demonstration but through revelation, through the medium of powerful personalities. One must not attempt to justify them, but rather to sense their nature simply and clearly.   Albert Einstein
    • It's better to burn out, than to fade away! - Kurgan
    • Everything depends. Langsam's Law.
    • Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"   Dilbert Cartoon by Scott Adams
    • Last night, I walked up to this beautiful woman in a bar and asked her, "Do you live around here often?" She said, "You're wearing two different colored socks." I said, "Yes, but to me they're the same because I go by thickness."  Steven Wright
    • Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
    • Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone.   Anthony Burgess
    • The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
    • Lead by example not by force.
    • Leaders don't force people to follow, they invite them on a journey. Charles S. Lauer
    • Leaders grow; they are not made. Peter F. Drucker
    • Leadership has a harder job to do than just choose sides. It must bring sides together. Jesse Jackson
    • Leadership is action, not position. Donald H. McGannon
    • Leadership is the special quality which enables people to stand up and pull the rest of us over the horizon. James L. Fisher
    • Leadership: the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it. Dwight D. Eisenhower
    • Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
    • Less is only more where more is no good   Frank Lloyd Wright
    • Let every eye negotiate for itself and trust no agent; for beauty is a witch against whose charms faith melteth in blood.   Shakespeare: From Much Ado About Nothing (II, i, 178 180) Claudio utters these words having just been duped into believing his ...
    • Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean.   Johann Wolfgang Goethe
    • Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duty, and so bear ourselves that, if the British Empire and its Commonwealth lasts for a thousand years, men will still say, 'This was their finest hour.'   Winston Churchill
    • Let us train our minds to desire what the situation demands.   Seneca
    • Liberty is being free from the things we don't like in order to be slaves of the things we do like.
    • Life can be only understood looking back. Unfortunately, it must be lived forwards.
    • Life has meaning but no purpose.
    • Life is a play. It's not its length, but its performance that counts.   Seneca
    • Life is great, but the hours are hell. Gregory G. Parrish
    • Life is not fair. Get used to it.   Stephen Digby
    • Life is sexually transmitted.
    • Life is something that everyone should try at least once. Henry J. Tillman
    • Life is wasted on the living. Zaphod Beeblebrox IV in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    • Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans. John Lennon
    • Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show. Steven Wright
    • Life would be much easier if I knew the source code.
    • Life. Loathe it or ignore it. You can't like it.   Marvin the Android in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    • Linda Emery: A philosophy major? Now, what can you do with a philosophy major? Bruce Lee: You can think deep thoughts about being unemployed.
    • Literature always anticipates life. It does not copy it, but moulds it to its purpose. The nineteenth century, as we know it, is largely an invention of Balzac.   Oscar Wilde
    • Live each day like it is your last... someday it will be
    • Live out of your imagination, not your history. Stephen Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
    • Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. Manly's Maxim
    • Look for a thing until you find it and you'll not lose your labor.   Chinese Proverb
    • Lord, what fools these mortals be!   Shakespeare: From A Midsummer Night's Dream (III, ii, 115) This famous line is uttered by Puck, the mischievous spirit known for household pranks, to Oberon, Puck's master and King of the Fairies. A series of ...
    • Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.
    • Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. Joan Crawford
    • Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind.   Shakespeare: From A Midsummer Night's Dream (I, i, 234) In this soliloquy, Helena ponders the transforming power of love, noting that Cupid is blind. The lovesick Helena has been abandoned by her ...
    • Love may not make the world go round, but I must admit that it makes the ride worthwhile.   Sean Connery
    • He has the gift of compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thoughts.   Winston Churchill
    • MacDonald's Second Law: Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and give it back to them.
    • Make everything as simple as possible, but no simpler.   Albert Einstein
    • Make it right before you make it faster.
    • Making allowances for human imperfections, I do feel that in America the most valuable thing in life is possible; the development of the individual and his creative powers.   Albert Einstein
    • Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Lily Tomlin (1939   )
    • Man is a dog's idea of what God should be. Holbrook Jackson
    • Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to. Mark Twain (1835   1910), Following the Equator (1897)
    • Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else   unless it is an enemy.
    • Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on.   Winston Churchill
    • Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall.   Stephen Covey
    • Many forms of Government have been tried, and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the 'worst' form of Government except all those others that have been tried from time to time.   Winston Churchill
    • Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so. Bertrand Russell (1872   1970)
    • Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet. Mae West (1892   1980)
    • Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day. Barbara De Angelis quotes (American researcher on relationships and personal growth)
    • Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up Joseph Barth
    • Marriage is when a man and woman become as one .... the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
    • Marriage means commitment...then again, so does insanity.
    • Martyrdom... is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability. George Bernard Shaw (1856   1950), The Devil's Disciple (1901) act 3
    • Mayor Vincent J. 'Buddy' Cianci on the ACLU's suit to have a city nativity scene removed.
    • Mechanization best serves mediocrity   Frank Lloyd Wright
    • Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct: What they like is to be a man's last romance.   Oscar Wilde
    • Men are conservatives when they are least vigorous, or when they are most luxurious.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Men are what their mothers made them.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Mentally qualified for handicapped parking
    • Middle age is a time when it takes longer to rest than it does to get tired
    • Middle age is when your Granddaughter asks you about the 60's Because they're studying the era in history class
    • Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do on a rainy afternoon. Susan Ertz
    • Mistakes are a fact of life. It is the response to error that counts.
    • Money couldn't buy friends, but you get a better class of enemy.   Spike Milligan
    • Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.   Woody Allen
    • Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex: you thought of nothing else if you didn't have it, and thought of other things if you did.
    • More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen (1935   )
    • More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.   Woody Allen
    • Most people get a fair amount of fun out of their lives, but on balance life is suffering, and only the very young or very foolish imagine otherwise.   George Orwell
    • Most people want to be delivered from temptation, but would like it to keep in touch. R. Orben
    • Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power.   Seneca
    • Motivation is what gets you started habit is what keeps you going.   Jim Ryun
    • Music is often better than it sounds.
    • My aunt gave me a walkie talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year   Rod Schmidt
    • My experience is that as soon as people are old enough to know better, they don't know anything at all.   Oscar Wilde
    • My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.  Steven Wright
    • My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birthmark until he was eight years old.  Steven Wright
    • My girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone on this tour. I said, "the whole time."  Steven Wright
    • My grandma says she has eyes in the back of her head... I hope it's not hereditary.  Steven Wright
    • My only love sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late!   Shakespeare: From Romeo and Juliet (I, v, 140 141) In this early scene from Romeo and Juliet, Juliet echoes the theme of the play, which is how two tragically fated ...
    • My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.   Ashleigh Brilliant
    • My Reality Check bounced.   Dilbert Cartoon by Scott Adams
    • My toughest fight was with my first wife. Muhammad Ali (1942   )
    • My uncle's an airline pilot... Kinda makes it difficult to hold the bottle though   Steven Wright
    • My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked.   Winston Churchill
    • Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. Abraham Lincoln (1809   1865)
    • Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.   Dilbert Cartoon by Scott Adams
    • Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. Steven Wright
    • Never eat more than you can lift. Miss Piggy
    • Never express yourself more clearly than you think.   N. Bohr
    • Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.   Richard Herman Jr., 'Firebreak'
    • Never fly the 'A' model of anything.   Ed Thompson
    • Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.   Winston Churchill
    • Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.   Winston Churchill
    • Never regard study as a duty, but as the enviable opportunity to learn to know the liberating influence of beauty in the realm of the spirit for your own personal joy and to the profit of the community to which your later work belongs.   Albert Einstein
    • New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move. David Letterman (1947   )
    • No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy. Murphy's Military Law
    • No folly is more costly than the folly of intolerant idealism.   Winston Churchill
    • No garden is without its weeds   Thomas Fuller
    • No great man ever complains of want of opportunity.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • No line available at 300 baud.
    • No man can live happily who regards himself alone, who turns everything to his own advantage. Thou must live for another, if thou wishest to live for thyself.   Seneca
    • No one appreciates the value of constructive criticism more thoroughly than the one who's giving it. Hal Chadwick
    • No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.
    • No, this trick wont work...How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?   Albert Einstein
    • Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source. Ron Nesen
    • Nobody needs to go anywhere else. We are all, if we only knew it, already here.   A Huxley, The Island, Ch.5
    • Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Steven Wright
    • Nostalgia: The good old days multiplied by a bad memory...
    • Not all people are annoying. Some Are Dead.
    • Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.   Albert Einstein
    • Not one of them who took up in his youth with this opinion that there are no gods, ever continued until old age faithful to his conviction.   Plato
    • Not that I lov'd Caesar less, but that I lov'd Rome more.   Shakespeare: From Julius Caesar (III, ii, 22) Brutus attempts to explain to the throngs of angry, frightened people who have assembled in the Forum why he and his fellow conspirators ...
    • Nothing can come of nothing: speak again.   Shakespeare: From King Lear (I, i, 92) Old King Lear has decided to retire and divide his kingdom among his three daughters. They are required to come forward and flatter him. His two eldest daughters, Regan and ...
    • Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.   Marie Curie
    • Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of our own mind.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Nothing is beneath you if it is in the direction of your life.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Nothing is rich but the inexhaustible wealth of nature. She shows us only surfaces, but she is a million fathoms deep.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute.   Contributed by Jeff Pappas
    • Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. Kin Hubbard (1868   1930)
    • Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.   Guillaume Apollinaire
    • Now we sit through Shakespeare in order to recognize the quotations.   Oscar Wilde
    • Nowadays, we're kept alive by half of the foods we eat and killed by the other half
    • Numbers do not lie, but they have the propensity to tell the truth with intent to deceive. (Eric Temple Bell)
    • Nuns are women who marry God...If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe ?   Steven Wright
    • O coward conscience, how dost thou afflict me!   Shakespeare: From King Richard III (V, iii, 179) The evil Richard finally confronts his conscience in this scene, one of the most exciting in the play. In his tent on Bosworth Field, Richard takes some wine ...
    • O happy dagger! This is thy sheath; there rust, and let me die.   Shakespeare: From Romeo and Juliet (V, iii, 169 170) Juliet awakes from her feigned death to learn that her lover, Romeo, has taken his own life, believing she was truly dead. Juliet then ...
    • O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?   Shakespeare: From Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 33) Juliet cries these words into the night, having just met and fallen in love with Romeo of the Montague family, sworn enemy of her own (Capulet) family. This ...
    • O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.   Shakespeare: From Romeo and Juliet (V, iii, 119 120) With these words, Romeo dies in this story of doomed love. The lovers, belonging to families of Verona long at war with each other, ...
    • O villain, villain, smiling, damned villain!   Shakespeare: From Hamlet (I, v, 106) Hamlet is enraged when he learns a hideous and painful truth from the Ghost of his recently deceased father: the late king did not die a natural death but was murdered by ...
    • O, beware, my lord of jealousy; It is the green ey'd monster which doth mockThe meat it feeds on.   Shakespeare: From Othello (III, iii, 165 167) Iago feeds the green eyed monster that lives within Othello, while ironically warning him about jealousy. One ...
    • O, what men dare do! What men may do! What men daily do, not knowing what they do!   Shakespeare: From Much Ado About Nothing (IV, i, 19 21) Claudio speaks these angry words at his wedding to Hero. He has been duped once again by Don John, who has been ...
    • Obstacles are the those frightful things you see When you take your mind off your goals
    • Of course, we are all worms  but I like to think, at least, that I am a glowworm.   Winston Churchill
    • Often a certain abdication of prudence and foresight is an element of success.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Oh dear, I think you'll find reality's on the blink again.    Marvin The Paranoid Android
    • Oh, I am fortune's fool!   Shakespeare: From Romeo and Juliet (III, i, 141) Romeo cries out these words when the full impact of what he has just done, and the consequences to be suffered, strikes him. His secret marriage to Juliet of the Capulet family, ...
    • Okay, who stopped payment on my reality check ?
    • Old age and cunning will triumph over youth and enthusiasm every time...
    • Old age is always 15 years older than I am.   Bernard Baruch
    • On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind. It becomes a pleasure.   Oscar Wilde
    • On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.   Dilbert Cartoon by Scott Adams
    • On the other hand... you have different fingers   Steven Wright
    • On two occasions I have been asked, "Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?" I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question. (Charles Babbage)
    • Once conform, once do what others do because they do it, and a kind of lethargy steals over all the finer senses of the soul.   Montaigne
    • Once you can accept the universe as being something expanding into an infinite nothing which is something, wearing stripes with plaid is easy.   Albert Einstein
    • One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time   Andre Gide
    • One is not born a genius, one becomes a genius.   Simone De Beauvoir
    • One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man. Elbert Hubbard (1856   1915)
    • One man's constant is another man's variable.   Perlis
    • One night I came home very late. It was the next night.   Steven Wright
    • One of the best lessons children learn through video games is standing still will get them killed quicker than anything else.
    • One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.   Bertrand Russell
    • One sees great things from the valley, only small things from the peak.   G. K. Chesterton
    • One should either be a work of art, or wear a work of art.   Oscar Wilde
    • One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said "Didn't you see the stop sign." I said "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read."   Steven Wright
    • One time I went to a children's art gallery. They had all the paintings up on refrigerators   Steven Wright
    • One time I went to a drive in in a taxi cab. The movie cost me $95.  Steven Wright
    • One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.  Steven Wright
    • One's real life is so often the life that one does not lead.   Oscar Wilde
    • Only a life lived for others is worth living.   Albert Einstein
    • Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Albert Einstein (1879   1955)
    • Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. Laurence Peter
    • Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail.   Confucius
    • Our knowledge is the amassed thought and experience of innumerable minds.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Out, damned spot! out, I say!   Shakespeare: From Macbeth (V, i, 38) Lady Macbeth utters one of the most famous lines in literature in this scene. Macbeth kills the king to take the crown for his own. Lady Macbeth is behind her husband's atrocities, ...
    • Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too hard to read.   Groucho Marx (1890   1977)
    • Over every mountain there is a path, although it may not be seen from the valley.   James Rogers
    • Parachute jumping is something you can't practice... it has to be right the first time.
    • Partnerships are the basis for success.   Neal Prescot Washington
    • People only see what they are prepared to see.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • People who do the world's real work don't usually wear neckties.
    • People who want the most approval get the least, and people who need approval the least get the most.   Wayne Dyer
    • People wish to be settled. It is only as far as they are unsettled that there is any hope for them.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Perfection of means and confusion of ends seem to characterize our age.   Albert Einstein
    • Perkin's Postulate: The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
    • Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win
    • Plain women are always jealous of their husbands. Beautiful women never are. They are always so occupied with being jealous of other women's husbands.   Oscar Wilde
    • Pleasure is the worst of all impostors ..... pleasures being presumably, like children, completely destitute of reason. Reason, on the other hand, if not identical with truth, is all things most like it, the truest thing in the world   Plato, Philebus, 65c 65d
    • Poetry comes nearer to vital truth than history.   Plato
    • Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason   Steven Wright
    • Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even when there are no rivers. Nikita Khruschev
    • Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories.   Arthur C Clarke
    • Politics is a pendulum whose swings between anarchy and tyranny are fuelled by perpetually rejuvenated illusions.   Albert Einstein
    • Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. Ronald Reagan (1911   2004)
    • Popularity is the crown of laurel which the world puts on bad art. Whatever is popular is wrong.   Oscar Wilde
    • Practice safe eating   always use condiments   Steven Wright
    • Price. Quality. Service: Pick two.
    • Princess Leia Organa: I love you. Han Solo: I know.
    • Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them.   Albert Einstein
    • Programs: What software used to be, back when we knew how to write it.
    • Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
    • Prosperity depends more on wanting what you have than having what you want.   Geoffrey F. Abert
    • Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.   Albert Einstein
    • Quality assurance: A way to ensure you never deliver shoddy goods accidentally.
    • Quotations are for people who aren't saying things worth quoting.
    • Quote from the Boss... "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."
    • Rather suffer wrong than do it. Thomas Fuller
    • Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal.   Pamela Vaull Starr
    • Reading, after a certain age, diverts the mind too much from its creative pursuits. Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking.   Albert Einstein
    • Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.   Albert Einstein
    • Remember if you can't be kind... At least have the decency to be vague.
    • Remember you're unique, just like everyone else... Steve Wright
    • Restlessness and discontent are the first necessities of progress  Thomas A. Edison
    • Results! Why man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won't work.   Thomas Alva Edison
    • Revised judicial oath: I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know.
    • Rick Blaine: And remember, this gun is pointed right at your heart. Captain Louis Renault: That is my least vulnerable spot.
    • Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before  Steven Wright
    • Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
    • Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme But not this
    • Save a tree. Kill a beaver.
    • Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it.   Albert Einstein
    • Science is organized common sense where many a beautiful theory was killed by an ugly fact. (Thomas H Huxley)
    • Science is the century old endeavour to bring together by means of systematic thought the perceptible phenomena of this world into as thorough going an association as possible. To put it boldly, it is the attempt at a posterior reconstruction of existence by the process of conceptualisation. Science can only ascertain what is, but not what should be, and outside of its domain value judgements of all kinds remain necessary.   Albert Einstein
    • Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.   Albert Einstein
    • Scientific research is based on the idea that everything that takes place is determined by laws of nature, and therefore this holds for the action of people. For this reason, a research scientist will hardly be inclined to believe that events could be influenced by a prayer, i.e. by a wish addressed to a Supernatural Being.   Albert Einstein, responding to a child who wrote and asked if scientists pray, 1936
    • Scitum est inter caecos luscum regnare posse. (It is well known, that among the blind the one eyed man is king.)   Gerard Didier Erasmus
    • Self denial is the shining sore on the leprous body of Christianity.   Oscar Wilde
    • Self love, my liege, is not so vile a sin as self neglecting. William Shakespeare in Henry V
    • Self trust is the essence of heroism.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you wont either.   Joseph Fischer
    • She had a face lift, tummy lift, and buttock lift, and now she's two feet off the ground.  Steve Connelly
    • Short words are best and the old words when short are best of all.   Winston Churchill
    • Simplicity and repose are the qualities that measure the true value of any work of art   Frank Lloyd Wright
    • Since I do not foresee that atomic energy is to be a great boon for a long time, I have to say that for the present it is a menace. Perhaps it is well that it should be. It may intimidate the human race into bringing order into it's international affairs, which without the pressure of fear, it would not do.   Albert Einstein
    • Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."   a conversation between Lady Nancy Astor and Winston Churchill
    • Smoking cures weight problems... Eventually...  Rod Schmidt
    • Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.   African Proverb
    • So wise so young, they say do never live long.   Shakespeare: From King Richard III (III, i, 79) In one of the most moving scenes in this play, the evil Richard is planning the most foul act in his plot to make himself king of England. He has already had ...
    • So, do you live around here often ?   Steven Wright
    • Society often forgives the criminal; it never forgives the dreamer.   Oscar Wilde
    • Software: These programs give instruction to the CPU, which processes billions of tiny facts called bytes, and within a fraction of a second it sends you an error message that requires you to call the customer support hot line and be placed on hold for approximately the life span of a caribou. (Dave Barry)
    • Solitary trees, if they grow at all, grow strong.   Sir Winston Churchill
    • Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.   Shakespeare: From Much Ado About Nothing (III, i, 106) Hero and her attendant Ursula have plotted to have Beatrice overhear their staged conversation in the orchard, where they will trick Beatrice into ...
    • Some love is just infatuation, but usually hate is the real thing
    • Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known. Garrison Keillor, American humorous writer and broadcaster (1942   )
    • Some minds should be cultivated, others plowed under.
    • Some of our friends are for it. Some of our friends are against it. And we're standing with our friends. Mike McCurry, Clinton White House press secretary
    • Some people play hard to get. I play hard to want
    • Some people think life begins at conception; others think it begins at birth. Still others know that life begins when the kids move out.
    • Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.   Dilbert Cartoon by Scott Adams
    • Sometimes I... No, I don't.  Steven Wright
    • Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing.   Albert Einstein
    • Sometimes the best way to convince a man he's wrong... Is to let him have his own way.
    • Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving. David Letterman (1947   )
    • Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. Sam Levenson (1911   1980)
    • Sorry, my mind was wandering. One time my mind went all the way to Venus on mail order and I couldn't pay for it.  Steven Wright
    • Spare no expense to make everything as economical as possible. Samuel Goldwyn
    • Speak what you think to day in words as hard as cannon balls and to morrow speak what to morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to day.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.   Steven Wright
    • State of the art: What we could do with enough money.
    • States are as the men, they grow out of human characters.   Plato
    • Stewart's Law of Retroaction: It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
    • Strange is our Situation Here Upon Earth.   Albert Einstein
    • Study=No Fail; No Study=Fail; Therefore: Study+No Study=Fail+No Fail; Therefore: Study(No + 1)=Fail(No + 1); Therefore: Study=Fail
    • Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.   Winston Churchill
    • Success in marriage is much more than finding the right person; it is a matter of being the right person
    • Success is 10 percent inspiration and 90 percent perspiration.   Thomas Alva Edison
    • Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.   William Feather
    • Such is the common process of marriage. A youth and maiden exchange meeting by chance, or brought together by artifice, exchange glances, reciprocate civilities, go home, and dream of one another. Having little to divert attention, or diversify thought, they find themselves uneasy when they are apart, and therefore conclude that they shall be happy together. They marry, and discover what nothing but voluntary blindness had before concealed; they wear out life in altercations, and charge nature with cruelty. Samuel Johnson (1709   1784), Rasselas
    • Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. Steven Wright
    • Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself.   Chinese Proverb
    • Technological culture has not destroyed the peoples of the Artcic Ocean. Believing that would be to think too highly of culture. It has simply acted as a catalyst, a cosmic model for the potential which lies in every culture, and in every human being to centre life around that particularly Western mixture of greed and naivete. Peter Hoeg, Miss Smilla's Feeling for Snow p.316
    • Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal.   Albert Einstein
    • Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it. Max Frisch
    • Television is bubble gum for the mind   Frank Lloyd Wright
    • Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.   Dilbert Cartoon by Scott Adams
    • That he's mad, 'tis true, 'tis true 'tis pity, And pity 'tis 'tis true.   Shakespeare: From Hamlet (II, ii, 97 98) Polonius tells the king and queen what they have already begun to believe about Hamlet: that he has gone mad. King Claudius and Queen ...
    • That is not hard to be shown, he said for that much one can see in children, that they are from their very birth chock full of rage and high spirit, but as for reason, some of them, to my thinking, never participate in it, and the majority are quite late.   Plato, Republic, Bk. 4
    • The "nothing really interests me, everything is so tedious" syndrome is usually accompanied by the "my parents have ruined my life" philosophy, and, as a postscript, "they can pay for it".
    • That thou seest, man, become too thou must; God, if thou seest God, dust, if thou seest dust.   Brother Angelus
    • That which costs little is less valued.   Miguel De Cervantes
    • That's a great outfit you're wearing . . . I have just the perfect hanger for it.
    • The ancestor of every action is a thought.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • The basis of optimism is sheer terror.   Oscar Wilde
    • The beauty of the world has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder   Virginia Woolf
    • The beginning is the most important part of the work.   Plato
    • The best argument against democracy is a five minute talk with the average voter.   Winston Churchill
    • The best effect of fine persons is felt after we have left their presence.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • The best way to predict your future is to create it.
    • The bitterness of poor quality remains long after low pricing is forgotten!!!   Leon M CautilloIf
    • The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and doesn't stop until you get to work   Steven Wright
    • The cart before the horse is neither beautiful nor useful. Henry David Thoreau in Walden
    • The certain proof that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that no one has bothered to make contact with us
    • The chip. The British contribution to world cuisine.
    • The clever people never listen, and the stupid people never talk.   Oscar Wilde
    • The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application. Ken Kraft
    • The conception of two people living together for twenty five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep. Alan Patrick Herbert
    • The condition of perfection is idleness: the aim of perfection is youth.   Oscar Wilde
    • The course of true love never did run smooth.   Shakespeare: From A Midsummer Night's Dream (I, i, 134) Lysander and Hermia are in love in this whimsical tale of love and magic in the woods outside Athens. Hermia's father, however, insists that Hermia ...
    • The crucial difference is that the most potent and popular images now on TV deluge our children with an alternative childhood culture. Many of the most powerful images, particularly for teenagers, are images, not of figures to populate their imaginative fantasy play, but of dress and behaviour to conquer their daily lives.
    • The day you decide to sell your soul, the market will be glutted with souls.
    • The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.   P.J. O'Rourke
    • The desire to have things done quickly invariably prevents them from being done thoroughly.
    • The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life. Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat.   Albert Einstein
    • The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.   Woody Allen
    • The drawback, for me, the common thread running through all of them, the magic word that changed an interesting story into the Will of God, was faith. Don't get me wrong. I'm not disparaging it. I tried to strat with an open mind, no preconceptions. I was open to the lightning bolt, if it chose to strike me. I kept thinking that one day I'd look up and say yes ! That's it ! But instead I just kept thinking, and quickly thought my way right out the door. John Varley Steel Beach Harper Collins 1992, Pp 322
    • The early bird catches the worm...but it is the early worm that is caught ! Stephen Digby
    • The emergencies you train for almost never happen. It's the one you can't train for that kills you.   Ernest K. Gann, advice from the 'old pelican'
    • The empires of the future are the empires of the mind.   Winston Churchill
    • The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • The faith that stands on authority is not faith.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see.   Winston Churchill
    • The faster you go, the shorter you are.   Albert Einstein
    • The fates lead him who will him who won't they drag.   Seneca
    • The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, But in ourselves, that we are underlings.   Shakespeare: From Julius Caesar (I, ii, 140 141) Cassius, a nobleman, is speaking with his friend, Brutus, and trying to persuade him that, in the best interests of ...
    • The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.   Albert Einstein
    • The fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion. Arnold Glasow
    • The final test of a leader is that he leaves behind him in other men the conviction and the will to carry on. Walter Lippmann
    • The finest emotion of which we are capable is the mystic emotion. Herein lies the germ of all art and all true science. Anyone to whom this feeling is alien, who is no longer capable of wonderment and lives in a state of fear is a dead man. To know that what is impenetrable for us really exists and manifests itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty, whose gross forms alone are intelligible to our poor faculties   this knowledge, this feeling ... that is the core of the true religious sentiment. In this sense, and in this sense alone, I rank myself among profoundly religious men.   Albert Einstein
    • The first 90% of project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time.
    • The first and worst of all frauds is to cheat one's self. Phillip James Bailey
    • The first creative act of a child is to destroy the work of a parent.   Stephen Digby
    • The first law of holes: if you are in one, stop digging.   Denis Healey
    • The First Law of Walking: Never let go of what you've got until you've got hold of something else.
    • The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent take the other ninety percent. Murphy's Computer Law 37
    • The fog of information can drive out knowledge. (Daniel Boorstin)
    • The forgotten island of Amnesia   Steven Wright
    • The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge.   Albert Einstein
    • The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
    • The grand aim of all science is to cover the greatest number of empirical facts by logical deduction from the smallest number of hypotheses or axioms.   Albert Einstein
    • The greater man the greater courtesy. Alfred Lord Tennyson English poet (1809   1892)
    • The greatest homage we can pay truth is to use it.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.   Winston Churchill
    • The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions. Alfred Lord Tennyson English poet (1809   1892)
    • The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.   Albert Einstein
    • The heart is the chief feature of a functioning mind   Frank Lloyd Wright
    • The highest principles for our aspirations and judgements are given to us in the Jewish Christian religious tradition. It is a very high goal which, with our weak powers, we can reach only very inadequately, but which gives a sure foundation to our aspirations and valuations. If one were to take that goal out of out of its religious form and look merely at its purely human side, one might state it perhaps thus: free and responsible development of the individual, so that he may place his powers freely and gladly in the service of all mankind. ... it is only to the individual that a soul is given. And the high destiny of the individual is to serve rather than to rule, or to impose himself in any other way.   Albert Einstein
    • The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it. John Ruskin.
    • The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why and Where phases. For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question 'How can we eat?' the second by the question 'Why do we eat?' and the third by the question 'Where shall we have lunch?'   Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    • The human mind is not capable of grasping the Universe. We are like a little child entering a huge library. The walls are covered to the ceilings with books in many different tongues. The child knows that someone must have written these books. It does not know who or how. It does not understand the languages in which they are written. But the child notes a definite plan in the arrangement of the books   a mysterious order which it does not comprehend, but only dimly suspects.   Albert Einstein
    • The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes.   Oscar Wilde
    • The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays "Helter, Skelter"   Steven Wright
    • The ideals which have always shone before me and filled me with the joy of living are goodness, beauty, and truth. To make a goal of comfort or happiness has never appealed to me; a system of ethics built on this basis would be sufficient only for a herd of cattle.   Albert Einstein
    • The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the Marvellous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity.   Albert Einstein
    • The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become   Charles DuBois
    • The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.   Winston Churchill
    • The intellect is not a serious thing, and never has been. It is an instrument on which one plays, that is all.   Oscar Wilde
    • The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift.   Albert Einstein
    • The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • The key to this whole business is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made. Monte Clark, former Detroit Lions coach
    • The kind of shame which, when one remembers it, makes one stop dead in one's tracks, and jam one's eyelids tight to shut it out. C.P. Snow. The Conscience of the Rich Ch.13
    • The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
    • The lady doth protest too much, methinks.   Shakespeare: From Hamlet (III, ii, 239) Queen Gertrude speaks these famous words to her son, Prince Hamlet, while watching a play at court. Gertrude does not realize that Hamlet has staged this play to trap her ...
    • The last refuge of the insomniac is a sense of superiority to the sleeping world. Leonard Cohen
    • The less a man thinks or knows about his virtues, the better we like him.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • The life that is unexamined is not worth living.   Plato
    • The louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted our spoons.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • The man that hath no music in himself, Nor is not mov'd with concord of sweet sounds, Is fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils.   Shakespeare: From The Merchant of Venice (V, i, 83 85) Jessica, daughter of Shylock, has eloped with Lorenzo, and they ...
    • The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on. Murphy's Computer Law
    • The market is not an invention of capitalism. It has existed for centuries. It is an invention of civilization.   Mikhail Gorbachev
    • The measure of a master is his success in bringing all men around to his opinion twenty years later.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • The mere formulation of a problem is far more essential than its solution, which may be merely a matter of mathematical or experimental skills. To raise new questions, new possibilities, to regard old problems from a new angle requires creative imagination and marks real advances in science.   Albert Einstein
    • The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws.   Cornelius Tacitus
    • The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.   Albert Einstein
    • The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not Eureka! (I found it!) but rather, 'hmm.... that's funny...'.   Isaac Asimov
    • The most important thing in communication is hearing What isn't being said.
    • The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible.   Albert Einstein
    • The next thing to saying a good thing yourself, is to quote one.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • The nice thing about standards is there are so many to choose from
    • The older you get, the better you realize you were
    • The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.   Oscar Wilde
    • The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.   Albert Einstein
    • The only safe ship in a storm is leadership.
    • The only test of leadership is that somebody follows. Robert K. Greenleaf
    • The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.   Oscar Wilde
    • The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.   Franklin D Roosevelt
    • The only thing worse than suffering an injustice is committing an injustice.   Plato
    • The only time an aircraft has too much fuel on board is when it is on fire.   Sir Charles Kingsford Smith, Aviator
    • The only way to have a friend is to be one.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.   Niels Bohr
    • The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity.   Winston Churchill
    • The optimum committee has no members. Norman Augustine
    • The other day somebody stole everything in my apartment and replaced it with an exact replica... When my roommate came home I said, "Roommate, someone stole everything in our apartment and replaced it with an exact replica." He looked at me and said, "Do I know you?"  Steven Wright
    • The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree   Steven Wright
    • The other day, I was walking my dog around my building on the ledge....Some people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths.  Steven Wright
    • The other line moves faster. Etorre's Observation
    • The palest ink is better than the best memory.   Chinese Proverb
    • The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty   Winston Churchill
    • The play's the thing Wherein I'll catch the conscience of the King.   Shakespeare: From Hamlet (II, ii, 633) Hamlet intends to stage a play to reenact what he believes to have been the murder of his father, the late King of Denmark. The king had died a ...
    • The plural of anecdote is not data. Frank Kotsonis
    • The point is to develop the childlike inclination for play and the childlike desire for recognition and to guide the child over to important fields for society. Such a school demands from the teacher that he be a kind of artist in his province.   Albert Einstein
    • The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.   Sir Winston Churchill
    • The price of greatness is responsibility.   Sir Winston Churchill
    • The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability. Gumperson's Law
    • The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. William Butler Yeats
    • The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard
    • The problems of victory are more agreeable than the problems of defeat, but they are no less difficult.   Winston Churchill
    • The problems that exist in the world today cannot be solved by the level of thinking that created them.   Albert Einstein
    • The process of scientific discovery is, in effect, a continual flight from wonder.   Albert Einstein
    • The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.   Oscar Wilde
    • The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives.   Albert Einstein
    • The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.   Edgar W. Dijkstra
    • The rare chemical element Unobtainium   Steven Wright
    • The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment   Steven Wright )
    • The real difficulty, the difficulty which has baffled the sages of all times, is rather this: how can we make our teaching so potent in the emotional life of man, that its influence should withstand the pressure of the elemental psychic forces in the individual?   Albert Einstein
    • The real secret to success is enthusiasm.   Walter Chrysler
    • The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.   Albert Einstein
    • The reward for a thing well done is to have done it.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.   Jean Gieraudoux
    • The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.   Albert Einstein
    • The significant problems we face today cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.   Albert Einstein
    • The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing. Cole's Axiom
    • The superior man is distressed by the limitation of his ability; he is not distressed by the fact that men do not recognize the ability he has.   Confucius
    • The true value of a human being is determined primarily by the measure and the sense in which he has attained liberation from the self.   Albert Einstein
    • The truth is more important than the facts   Frank Lloyd Wright
    • The Truth is realized in an instant. The Act is practiced step by step.   Zen saying
    • The weaker the data available upon which to base one's conclusion, the greater the precision which should be quoted in order to give the data authenticity. (Norman R Augustine)
    • The well bred contradict other people. The wise contradict themselves.   Oscar Wilde
    • The whole history of the world is summed up in the fact that, when nations are strong, they are not always just, and when they wish to be just, they are no longer strong.   Winston Churchill
    • The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking.   Albert Einstein
    • The wise man learns more from his enemies than a fool does from his friends.   Chinese Proverb
    • The world's coming to an end. Log off and leave in an orderly fashion.
    • The worst form of tyranny the world has ever known is the tyranny of the weak over the strong. It is the only tyranny that lasts.   Oscar Wilde
    • The years teach much which the days never knew.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Then must you speak Of One that lov'd not wisely but too well.   Shakespeare: From Othello (V, ii, 343 344) The central character speaks these words just before he kills himself in this haunting tragedy of Othello, a Moor in the service of the Duke of ...
    • There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who can deal in binary and those who can't.   Frank Clarke
    • There are a lot of lies going around.... and half of them are true.   Winston Churchill
    • There are high spots in all of our lives and most of them have come about through encouragement from someone else. I don't care how great, how famous or successful a man or woman may be, each hungers for applause.   George M. Adams
    • There are many elements to a campaign. Leadership is number one. Everything else is number two. Bernd Brecher
    • There are only two truly infinite things, the universe and stupidity. And I am unsure about the universe.   Albert Einstein
    • There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.   Albert Einstein
    • There are three kinds of people in the world, those who can count, and those who can't.
    • There are two kinds of failures: The man who will do nothing he is told, and the man who will do nothing else. Perle Thompson
    • There are two rules for success..-1) Never tell everything you know.   Roger H. Lincoln
    • There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.   Woody Allen
    • There are two ways to write error free programs; only the third one works.
    • There aren't enough days in the weekend.   Steven Wright
    • There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom   Anais Nin
    • There is a theory that states: "If anyone finds out what the universe is for it will disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." There is another theory that states: "This has already happened....   Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    • There is a widespread notion that children are open, that the truth about their inner selves just seeps out of them. That's all wrong. No one is more covert than a child, and no one has greater cause to be that way. It's a response to a world that's always using a tin opener on them to see what they have inside, just in case it ought to be replaced with a more useful type of tinned foodstuff. Peter Hoeg, Miss Smilla's Feeling for Snow p.44
    • There is always a well known solution to every human problem  neat, plausible, and wrong. H. L. Mencken (1880   1956), Prejudices: Second Series, 1920
    • There is little room left for wisdom when one is full of judgement. Malcolm Hein
    • There is no expedient to which a man will go to avoid the real labor of thinking.   Thomas Alva Edison
    • There is no security on this earth. Only opportunity   Douglas MacArthur
    • There is no strong performance without a little fanaticism in the performer.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • There is no such thing as a great talent without great willpower. Honore de Balzac
    • There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result.   Winston Churchill
    • There is nothing more frightening than ignorance in action. Goethe
    • There is nothing more uncommon than common sense   Frank Lloyd Wright
    • There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year. Steven Wright
    • There would be no advantage to be gained by sowing a field of wheat if the harvest did not return more than was sown.
    • There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.  Steven Wright
    • There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices... in the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air...   Steven Wright
    • There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. Will Rogers
    • There's nothing I like less than bad arguments for a view that I hold dear.   Daniel Dennett
    • There's nothing new under the sun, but there are lots of old things we don't know.   Ambrose Bierce
    • There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. Clint Eastwood
    • They also serve who only stand and wait   John Milton in "On His Blindness"
    • They deem him their worst enemy who tells them the truth.   Plato
    • They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning... (Picks up his glass of water from the stool...) I like to live on the edge...   Steven Wright
    • They talk most who have the least to say. Matthew Prior
    • They would not be smart enough to pour piss out of their boots, if the instructions were written on the sole. Garrison Keillor, American humorous writer and broadcaster (1942   )
    • They're just jealous because they don't have three wise men and a virgin in the whole organization.
    • Things should be made as simple as possible, but not any simpler.   Albert Einstein
    • Think you I am no stronger than my sex, Being so father'd and so husbanded?   Shakespeare: From Julius Caesar (II, i, 296 297) Portia reminds Brutus that she is his wife and the daughter of Cato in this compelling scene in which Brutus has just conspired ...
    • Thinking is the talking of the soul with itself.   Plato
    • This girl I was seeing. We had conflicting attitudes: I really wasn't into meditating and she wasn't really into being alive   Steven Wright
    • This is the type of arrant pedantry up with which we shall not put.   Winston Churchill
    • This planet has   or rather had   a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.   Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    • This screen intentionally left blank.
    • This statement is false.... ??!!
    • This was the noblest Roman of them all.   Shakespeare: From Julius Caesar (V, v, 68) In this final scene of Julius Caesar, Antony sums up the character of Brutus. Brutus was the noblest Roman of them all, the only one of the conspirators who killed ...
    • This was the unkindest cut of all.   Shakespeare: From Julius Caesar (III, ii, 187) Mark Antony continues his eulogy for the murdered Caesar (Friends, Romans, countrymen..) by jumping from the pulpit and having the mob surround the body of the slain ...
    • Those instrumental goods which should serve to maintain the life and health of all human beings should be produced by the least possible labour of all.   Albert Einstein
    • Those who can win a war well can rarely make a good peace and those who could make a good peace would never have won the war.   Winston Churchill
    • Those who stand for nothing fall for anything. Alex Hamilton
    • Though this be madness, yet there is method in 't.   Shakespeare: From Hamlet (II, ii, 206) Polonius whispers this as an aside, referring to Prince Hamlet, a brooding enigmatic character who may be pretending madness throughout much of the play. We see ...
    • Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students.
    • Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.  Steven Wright
    • To be great is to be misunderstood.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • To be or not to be,   Shakespeare: that is the question:  Shakespeare: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them?   Shakespeare: From Hamlet (III, i, 56 61) ...
    • To believe is very dull. To doubt is intensely engrossing. To be on the alert is to live, to be lulled into security is to die.   Oscar Wilde
    • To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day.   Sir Winston Churchill
    • To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. Farmers' Almanac, 1978
    • To fly, we have to have resistance   Maya Lin
    • To give an accurate description of what has never occurred is not merely the proper occupation of the historian, but the inalienable privilege of any man of parts and culture.   Oscar Wilde
    • To have a child is to let your heart wander the earth without your protection or direction.  Stephen Digby (based on Elizabeth Stone).
    • To have and to want more. that is life.   F. Nietzsche
    • To have the reputation of possessing the most perfect social tact, talk to every woman as if you loved her, and to every man as if he bored you.   Oscar Wilde
    • To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived   this is to have succeeded !   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • To lead a symphony You must occasionally turn your back on the crowd.
    • To many times we confuse motion with progress.
    • To sleep, perchance to dream  ay, there's the rub.   Shakespeare: From Hamlet (III, i, 65 68) This is part of Hamlet's famous soliloquy which begins To be or not to be, and it reveals his thoughts of suicide. He has learned that his uncle killed his ...
    • To some people, multitasking is the ability to screw several things up at once
    • To the dull mind all nature is leaden. To the Illuminated mind the whole world burns and sparkle with lights.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
    • To you I am an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.   Woody Allen
    • Today I dialled a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" And I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait"   Steven Wright
    • Today I was arrested for scalping low numbers at the deli. I sold a #3 for 28 bucks.  Steven Wright
    • Today I... No, that wasn't me   Steven Wright
    • Toleration and liberty are the foundations of a great republic   Frank Lloyd Wright
    • To morrow, and to morrow, and to morrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, To the last syllable of recorded time; And all our yesterdays have lighted fools The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow; a ...   William Shakespeare
    • Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves.   Albert Einstein
    • Too often in politics, the man of thought cannot act,and the man of action does not think. Richard Nixon
    • True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain hazardous, and conflicting information.   Winston Churchill
    • True happiness is finding someone who will put up with you
    • True ornament is not a matter of prettifying externals. It is organic with the structure it adorns, whether a person, a building, or a park. At its best it is an emphasis of structure, a realization in graceful terms of the nature of that which is ornamented   Frank Lloyd Wright
    • True religion is real living; living with all one's soul, with all one's goodness and righteousness.   Albert Einstein
    • Trust your instinct to the end, though you can render no reason.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.   Albert Einstein
    • Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do   Mark Twain
    • Two things inspire me to awe   the starry heavens above and the moral universe within.   Albert Einstein
    • Ugarte: You despise me, don't you? Rick Blaine: If I gave you any thought I probably would.
    • Under all that we think, lives all we believe, like the ultimate veil of our spirits.   Antonio Machado
    • Understanding of our fellow human beings...becomes fruitful only when it is sustained by sympathetic feelings in joy and sorrow.   Albert Einstein
    • Unhappiness is in not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it.   Don Herold
    • Universities are of course hostile to geniuses, which, seeing and using ways of their own, discredit the routine: as churches and monasteries persecute youthful saints.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.   Edward Gibbon
    • Use soft words in hard arguments.   H. G. Bohn, 1855
    • Use soft words in hard arguments.   H. G. Bohn, 1855
    • USER ERROR: Replace user and press any key to continue.
    • Variables won't; constants aren't.   Osborn
    • Vast and fearsome as the human scene has become, personal contact of the right people, in the right places, at the right time, may yet have a potent and valuable part to play in the cause of peace which is in our hearts.   Winston Churchill
    • Virtue is its own reward.   Cicero (.... and its own punishment...)
    • Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up. Garrison Keillor, American humorous writer and broadcaster (1942   )
    • War is just gods way of teaching Americans geography. Ambrose Bierce, Writer (1842 1914)
    • Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
    • Was ever woman in this humour woo'd? Was ever woman in this humour won?   Shakespeare: From King Richard III (I, ii, 227 228) King Richard, one of the greatest villains in English history, is villainous even as a lover. Before the play begins, Richard has ...
    • Watch the stars, and from them learn. To the Master's honour all must turn, each in its track, without a sound, forever tracing Newton's ground.   Albert Einstein
    • We aim above the mark to hit the mark.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. W.H. Auden
    • We are always getting ready to live but never living.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • We are such stuff As dreams are made on and our little life Is rounded with a sleep...   Shakespeare: From The Tempest (IV, i, 156 157) Prospero has consented to the marriage of his daughter and Ferdinand in this whimsical play about reconciling with ...
    • We are wiser than we know.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • We die only once, and for such a long time. Moliere
    • We have penetrated far less deeply into the regularities obtaining within the realm of living things, but deeply enough nevertheless to sense at least the rule of fixed necessity ..... what is still lacking here is a grasp of the connections of profound generality, but not a knowledge of order itself.   Albert Einstein
    • We inherit nothing truly, but what our actions make us worthy of. John Chapman
    • We learn from experience. A man never wakes up his second baby just to see it smile. Grace Williams
    • We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.   Winston Churchill
    • We need the iron qualities that go with true manhood. We need the positive virtues of resolution, of courage, of indomitable will, of power to do without shrinking the rough work that must always be done. Theodore Roosevelt
    • We shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and the oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.   Winston Churchill
    • We should be woo'd and were not made to woo.   Shakespeare: From A Midsummer Night's Dream (II, i, 242) Helena has been cast into the role of pursuer, with Demetrius as the object of her desire, a reversal of roles which she finds scandalous. In this ...
    • We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality.   Albert Einstein
    • We that are true lovers run into strange capers; but as all is mortal in nature, so is all nature in love mortal in folly.   Shakespeare: From As You Like It (II, iv, 53 56) The professional court jester, Touchstone, shifts from acknowledging mortality ...
    • We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years. Nick Faldo
    • Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.   Albert Einstein
    • Well, dinner would have been splendid... if the wine had been as cold as the soup, the beef as rare as the service, the brandy as old as the fish, and the maid as willing as the Duchess.   Winston Churchill
    • What exactly do batteries run on ?   Steven Wright
    • What I see in Nature is a magnificent structure that we can comprehend only very imperfectly, and that must fill a thinking person with a feeling of "humility." This is a genuinely religious feeling that has nothing to do with mysticism.   Albert Einstein
    • What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
    • What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • What we must decide is perhaps how we are valuable, rather than how valuable we are.   Edgar Friedenbar
    • What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • What you get out depends on what you put in; and as the grandest mill in the world will not extract wheat flour from peascods, so pages of formulae will not get a definite result out of loose data. (Thomas Huxley)
    • What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?   Shakespeare: From Much Ado About Nothing (I, i, 118) In this opening scene, we meet Beatrice and Benedick, one of two sets of lovers who are the focus of this romantic comedy. Some of the play's ...
    • What's another word for Thesaurus ? Steven Wright
    • What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other word would smell as sweet.   Shakespeare: From Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1 2) Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet meet and fall in love in Shakespeare's lyrical tale of star cross'd lovers. They ...
    • When a blind beetle crawls over the surface of the globe, he doesn't realize that the track he has covered is curved. I was lucky enough to have spotted it.   Albert Einstein
    • When a man's knowledge is deep, he speaks well of an enemy. Instead of seeking revenge, he extends unexpected generosity. He turns insult into humor, ... and astonishes his adversary who finds no reason not to trust him.   Baltasar Gracian
    • When all else fails, read the instructions. Cahn's Axiom
    • When all else fails, read the instructions. Murphy's Computer Law
    • When beggars die there are no comets seen; The heavens themselves blaze forth the death of princes.   Shakespeare: From Julius Caesar (II, ii, 30 31) Calpurnia, wife of Julius Caesar, begs her husband not to venture out on this morning, the ides of ...
    • When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.   Steven Wright
    • When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge.   Albert Einstein
    • When I get a pizza, I always get them to cut it in 6 pieces, I couldn't eat 8. Yogi Berra
    • When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.  Steven Wright
    • When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.  Steven Wright
    • When I joined the team, I turned it around 360 degrees. Steven Wright
    • When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.  Steven Wright
    • When I was 10, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.  Steven Wright
    • When I was a baby, I kept a diary. Recently, I was rereading it. It said, "Day 1   Still tired from the move. Day 2   Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot."  Steven Wright
    • When I was a kid, I remember seeing Smokey the Bear on TV saying, "Only you can prevent forest fires." I thought "Who? Me?" So I'd sneak out of the house in the middle of the night with a bucket of water   "Gotta go to work."  Steven Wright
    • When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, "Do you have any toy train schedules?"  Steven Wright
    • When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"   Steven Wright
    • When I was little my grandfather asked me how old I was. I said, "Five." He said, "When I was your age, I was six."  Steven Wright
    • When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep well?" I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."   Steven Wright
    • When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.   Cynthia Heimel
    • When its a question of money, everybody is of the same religion.   Voltaire
    • When shall we three meet again In thunder, lightning, or in rain?   Shakespeare: From Macbeth (I, i, 1 2) With these words Macbeth begins. This dark tragedy opens with three of the most memorable characters in literature, the Weird Sisters, ugly evil ...
    • When someone is acting for your own good, you won't like it.
    • When the gods choose to punish us, they merely answer our prayers.   Oscar Wilde
    • When the solution is simple, God is answering.   Albert Einstein
    • When we stumble over the truth... We get up & go on as if nothing happened
    • When wine, women and song become too much for ya, always give up the singing first.
    • When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.   Albert Einstein
    • When you can think of yesterday without regret and tomorrow without fear, you are near contentment.
    • When you cannot measure, when you cannot express in numbers, your knowledge is of a meager and unsatisfactory kind: you have scarcely, in your thoughts, advanced to the stage of a science. (Lord Kelvin)
    • When you find the way/ others will find you./ Passing by on the road/ they will be drawn to your door./ The way that cannot be heard/ will be echoed in your voice./ The way that cannot be seen/ will be reflected in your eyes.   Lao tzu
    • When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers. The Wall Street Journal
    • When you stand at the edge of the cliff, jump to fly, not to fall.
    • When you want to test the depths of a stream, don't use both feet.   Chinese Proverb
    • Whenever I think about the past, it just brings back so many memories.   Steven Wright
    • Whenever man comes up with a better mousetrap, nature immediately comes up with a better mouse.   James Carswell
    • Where does the family start? It starts with a young man falling in love with a girl   no superior alternative has yet been found.   Winston Churchill
    • Where the world ceases to be the scene of our personal hopes and wishes, where we face it as free beings admiring, asking and observing, there we enter the realm of Art and Science.   Albert Einstein
    • Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
    • Whoever undertakes to set himself up as judge in the field of truth and knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods.   Albert Einstein
    • Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets anyways?
    • Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?
    • Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.   Woody Allen
    • Why does this applied science, which saves work and makes life easier, bring us so little happiness? The simple answer runs: Because we have not yet learned to make sensible use of it.   Albert Einstein
    • Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts," but, "you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny.  Steven Wright
    • Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? The guy who wrote that song wrote everything.  Steven Wright
    • Why Sir Churchill you are drunk! "And you are ugly, but I shall be sober in the morning!"   a conversation between Lady Nancy Astor and Winston Churchill
    • Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attraction of others.   Oscar Wilde
    • Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.  Steven Wright
    • With the affairs of active human beings it is different. Here knowledge of truth alone does not suffice; on the contrary this knowledge must continually be renewed by ceaseless effort, if it is not to be lost. It resembles a statue of marble which stands in the desert and is continuously threatened with burial by the shifting sands. The hands of science must ever be at work in order that the marble column continue everlastingly to shine in the sun. To those serving hands mine also belong.   Albert Einstein
    • Without a rich heart, wealth is an ugly beggar.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • Without deep reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people.   Albert Einstein
    • Without tradition, art is a flock of sheep without a shepherd. Without innovation, it is a corpse.   Winston Churchill
    • Women are still the best opposite sex we have.
    • Women like silent men    they think they're listening
    • Work is accomplished by employees who haven't yet reached their level of incompetence
    • Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement, and now it is a problem to be overcome. The Book of Guys, Garrison Keillor, American humorous writer and broadcaster (1942   )
    • Yesterday I parked my car in a tow away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing... Steven Wright
    • You are not thinking. You are merely being logical.   Neils Bohr to Albert Einstein
    • You are the land. The land is you.   Merlin
    • You can always count on Americans to do the right thing   after they've tried everything else.   Winston Churchill
    • You can always get a job in international affairs because 90% of everything happens in a foreign country.  Steve Connelly
    • You can build a throne with bayonets, but you can't sit on it for long.   Boris Yeltsin
    • You can fool too many of the people too much of the time. James Thurber (1894   1961), New Yorker, Apr-29, 1939 "The Owl who was God"
    • You can live to be 100 if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be 100.   Woody Allen
    • You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.   Ralph Waldo Emerson
    • You can't get where you want to go if you don't know where you are.
    • You can't have everything. Where would you put it?   Steven Wright
    • You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.
    • You don't marry someone you can live with, you marry the person who you cannot live without. Anonymous
    • You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing. Steven Wright
    • You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.  Steven Wright
    • You know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far that you almost fall over backwards, but at the last instant you catch yourself? That's how I feel all the time.  Steven Wright
    • You know, it's at times like this when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young! "Why, what did she tell you?" I don't know, I didn't listen!  Arthur Dent in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
    • You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.   Albert Einstein, when asked to describe radio
    • You will care much less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do.   Oscar Wilde
    • You won't skid off teh road of life if you stay in a rut   aka Kin Hubbard
    • Your conscience doesn't really keep you from doing anything wrong. It just prevents you from enjoying the experience to the fullest extent.
    • Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.
    • Youth and skill are no match for experience and treachery.
    • You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is   Will Rogers
    • Yvonne: Will I see you tonight? Rick Blaine: I never make plans that far ahead.
    • Parenthood: That state of being better chaperoned than you were before marriage.  Marcelene Cox
    • Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories.  John Wilmot
    • You would think that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely.... but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.  Phyllis Diller
    • To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.  Josh Billings
    • Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.  Robert Fulghum
    • Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it.  Haim Ginott
    • If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.  Bette Davis
    • Children are a great comfort in your old age . . . and they help you reach it faster, too.  Lionel Kauffman
    • Most of us become parents long before we have stopped being children.  Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
    • If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.  Abigail Van Buren
    • The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.  Lane Olinghouse
    • If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.  C.G. Jung, Integration of the Personality, 1939
    • Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy.  Robert A. Heinlein
    • Too often we give children answers to remember rather than problems to solve.  Roger Lewin
    • Simply having children does not make mothers.  John A. Shedd
    • Although there are many trial marriages... there is no such thing as a trial child.  Gail Sheehy
    • Children have more need of models than of critics.  Carolyn Coats, Things Your Dad Always Told You But You Didn't Want to Hear
    • The beauty of "spacing" children many years apart lies in the fact that parents have time to learn the mistakes that were made with the older ones   which permits them to make exactly the opposite mistakes with the younger ones.  Sydney J. Harris
    • Your children tell you casually years later what it would have killed you with worry to know at the time.  Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
    • The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children.  Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957
    • The problem with children is that you have to put up with their parents.  Charles DeLint
    • Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.  Ogden Nash, "The Parent," Happy Days, 1933
    • Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.  Charles R. Swindoll, The Strong Family
    • How pleasant it is for a father to sit at his child's side. It is like an aged man reclining under the shadow of an oak which he has planted.  Walter Scott
    • What a child doesn't receive he can seldom later give.  P.D. James, Time to Be in Earnest
    • If your children spend most of their time in other people's houses, you're lucky; if they all congregate at your house, you're blessed.  Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
    • Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.  Oscar Wilde
    • There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.  Chinese Proverb
    • Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.  Red Buttons
    • Smack your child every day. If you don't know why   he does.  Joey Adams
    • Kids spell love T I M E.  John Crudele
    • A parent who has never apologized to his children is a monster. If he's always apologizing, his children are monsters.  Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
    • The guys who fear becoming fathers don't understand that fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man. The end product of child raising is not the child but the parent.  Frank Pittman, Man Enough
    • Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income.  Dave Barry
    • The child supplies the power but the parents have to do the steering.  Benjamin Spock, Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care
    • My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.  Quentin Crisp, The Naked Civil Servant, 1968
    • When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.  Erma Bombeck
    • I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can't find me until after high school.  Author Unknown
    • The hardest part of raising a child is teaching them to ride bicycles. A shaky child on a bicycle for the first time needs both support and freedom. The realization that this is what the child will always need can hit hard.  Sloan Wilson
    • Most American children suffer too much mother and too little father.  Gloria Steinem, New York Times, 26 August 1971
    • Good, honest, hardheaded character is a function of the home. If the proper seed is sown there and properly nourished for a few years, it will not be easy for that plant to be uprooted.  George A. Dorsey
    • As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it, or leave it.  Buddy Hackett
    • Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.  Author Unknown
    • The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent.  Mell Lazarus
    • No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids.  Bill Cosby, Fatherhood, 1986
    • The ideal home: big enough for you to hear the children, but not very well.  Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
    • Parenthood is a lot easier to get into than out of.  Bruce Lansky
    • Character is largely caught, and the father and the home should be the great sources of character infection.  Frank H. Cheley
    • When you teach your son, you teach your son's son.  The Talmud
    • Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell, the name will carry.  Bill Cosby
    • Instant availability without continuous presence is probably the best role a mother can play.  Lotte Bailyn
    • If your parents didn't have any children, there's a good chance that you won't have any.  Clarence Day
    • Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age.  William Feather, The Business of Life, 1949
    • Parents are not interested in justice; they are interested in quiet.  Bill Cosby
    • A child, like your stomach, doesn't need all you can afford to give it.  Frank A. Clark
    • Your children vividly remember every unkind thing you ever did to them, plus a few you really didn't.  Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
    • Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.  Fran Lebowitz, Social Studies
    • The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you are experienced, you are unemployed.  Author Unknown
    • In bringing up children, spend on them half as much money and twice as much time.  Author Unknown
    • From the moment of birth, when the Stone Age baby confronts the twentieth century mother, the baby is subjected to these forces of violence called love, as its father and mother and their parents and their parents before them, have been. These forces are mainly concerned with destroying most of its potential.  R.D. Laing
    • Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.  Bill Cosby, Fatherhood, 1986
    • What's done to children, they will do to society.  Karl Menninger
    • If you must hold yourself up to your children as an object lesson, hold yourself up as a warning and not as an example.  George Bernard Shaw
    • The child of memory and the woman you have become, will always be within my heart   Stephen Digby
    • No two principles are parallel.  Action guided by more than a single principle inevitably contradicts another in some circumstance. Everything is contingent.  Stephen Digby
    • I'm afraid I was very much the traditonalist. I went down on one knee and dictated a proposal which my secretary faxed over straight away.  Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie 
    • “Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing.”  Goethe 
    • When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.   Billy Crystal as Harry in When Harry Met Sally 
    • Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.  Franklin P. Jones

    No comments:

    Post a Comment

    Comment or Send a Message

    You can use this form to send a message OR make a comment as your contribution is NOT published automatically, but sent to Stephen for
    consideration.

    You can select "anonymous" from the drop down menu below if you do not have a google account.

    Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)