Nurturing optimism: Help Yourself

Tim Galbally (Age Opinion 4/1/1996) asks whether anyone feels the same despair in the struggle to nurture optimism in our children.

I revel in the delicious holiday luxury of hours in bed in the morning before the sun drives one out to more active entertainments (like morning tea). These hours are wonderful for catching up on that reflection that more spiritually balanced people must do regularly throughout the year. I escape from this exhausting and challenging task be sorting through last years press clippings, and reading any papers that more physically energetic people deliver to my bedside. Clippings, reflection and an Age Opinion article by Tim Galbally (411197) all coalesced today, and spurred me to labour over a pencil (a pencil does not totally dominate the holiday house like my computer).

Many of my 1996 clippings relate to the depression or meaninglessness felt by many children over the present and the future. The article expresses Tim's despair for the future of children's optimism and autonomy.

I know that I will be haunted as I write by the sheer connectedness of life which grows more and more powerful with age. An issue can expand within my mind from a single fine point to the rich tapestry of a Bayeaux Tapestry that will no longer fit on my page !

Tim worries about the "programming of consumerism" which others have us believe is a "youth culture". This is nothing more than an attempt to improve the legitimacy of a marketing concept. Many parents justify their failure to challenge the "dark side" of he media's message to our children because they believe that it is a reflection of the angst of adolescence. They remember that period of hormonally induced madness where to be free to seek the new, we felt compelled to seek out the old and reject it. Rejection would not satisfy unless it was "in your face". They forget that appeasement merely makes the adolescent enraged and motivated to push further. The only satisfaction and satiation is found when fighting against solid opposition wherever this can be found.

TV, newspaper, radio, magazine and music messages are designed to appeal to this adolescent search. But the enormous creative energies of media people (who in another culture would be serving the social good) are focused on selecting, manipulating, exaggerating beyond caricature to perversion. It constantly amazes me how mature intelligent adults parade their acceptance of this as evidence of their urbanity and tolerance. They are right when they say that this attempt to sway our children (some would say enslave) is not a conspiracy. It is rather a form of natural selection occurring within the culture that many seem to be accepting globally as the only rational choice the culture of commercialism.

The basic tenet of this culture is simple if it makes money, it is good. If it is illegal, it must be exciting so it must attract people; so if we cannot sell it (yet') we can simulate it in print, picture and sound. Good news., on the other hand, tends naturally to reassure, satisfy and relax. People buy less in this mood. Naturally, the media must choose stories that frighten, disturb, create craving for more those that sell. Local (e.g. national) cultures are sometimes useful because they define the local illegality, the local taboo, the local evil that can be used to attract consumers. Global culture is always better because that film, CTS, shirt or car can be sold around the world with minimal local investment just sales.

How can Tim nurture his child and give him (?) the opportunity to acquire the skills, knowledge, abilities and values that he would wish. His alternative is to stand by as his child is coaxed into being a commercial mannequin.

The solutions are so old fashioned (and therefore unfashionable) that many will not consider them for a moment until they are repackaged so that they can be found new again. Unfortunately, each tune this happens, the packaging takes up more space, leaving the product less powerful because it is less connected to our cultural tapestry. Everyone seems to be weaving extra at the edges, while the fraying centre requires the touch of a master weaver who can connect the old threads with a new and yet coherent weave.

Firstly, be certain and optimistic about yourself, Tim. You seem to know that Eli is already disturbed by your doubts and fears for him and the world. Children need the certainties of myth the most central being "Don't worry, daddy's here". you need a sincere personal mythology that you can share with your child. Choose from your own personal mix of Aesop, Freud, Humanism, Christianity or more. Unless you have a mythology to share you are preparing them for nihilism or fundamentalism. Some worry about the growth of cults and fundamentalist religions without realising that they offer something that many cannot find in our culture anymore.

Secondly, filter the world. When talking to parents, I am reminded of the scene from the film Poltergeist where a small child alone is unable to defend itself against an enticing evil coming from the TV. Much of popular parenting style is not so much immoral as amoral. Parents seem to have been paralysed by the replacement of shame by blame, and of all responsibilities by rights. Some believe that they can disregard the rough categories of the censor because they can provide balance or interpretation for their children. Self deluding rubbish. Other make the even more infantile statement that children will have to encounter the "real world" of the media later, so why not prepare them sooner !

The first responsibility of a parent is to select type and total access to the world outside the home. Children need tools (e.g. good toys), space and most importantly time to explore as children. The commercial world (enlisting even schools to its aid) is attempting to eliminate childhood by traumatising even young children in the service of good causes like the environment, war, racism, famine, child abuse drugs, the road toll etc. A parent should be a shield behind which the child can feel confident, secure and certain even when these feeling may be objectively false. It is only with deeply embedded and fundamentally irrational optimism that adults can bear to face the chaotic patterns of the world.

Thirdly, oppose and propose. Children interpret opposition and proposition correctly as an expression of hope. As children peek beyond the shield, they will often see confusion and evil in ascendancy. they need to gradually realise that is they way it is. The more that we provide powerful And illuminating "black and whites" to guide our children, the richer their developed picture of the world will be when they integrate the beautifully complex greys of maturity.

But they also need to self confidence to cope with the fact that throughout their lives they may deeply oppose most of what goes on outside their home.

To oppose is to reassure to propose is to lead. Ideas to improve the world, whether acted upon or no, are essential to maintaining hope. "I do not have a solution" is an expression of despair. A solution is not usually possible. It is facile to think that in any conflict, there is some resolution (if we only keep talking) that will make everyone happy. It is dangerous to believe the even more widespread fallacy, that second best to a resolution is some midpoint where both parties are equally aggrieved. Nevertheless, an idea for improvement is always possible. An action may bring only marginal benefit to the cause but may bring a sense of hope, control and meaning to the actor.

The lack of trust that you feel, Tim, is your reaction to the disappearance of goodness in the old sense for what is trust but the expectation of good ? The culture of commercialism is attempting to teach us and our children that all good is measured in money, and you do not believe it. There is no solution, only a winner in the battle for the mind of your child. Your only weapons are your actions and the values they follow from. Are you sure of them ?